The House is a piece of garbage

Movie Title:  
The House

Grade:  F because it has 3.8 million F-bombs in it (and it's a terrible movie)

Rating: R

In a Nutshell:   Why are so many trashy movies coming out in theaters that glorify extremely bad behavior?  

If you like being assaulted by an F-bomb every 2.7 seconds, watching people throw up and get high, then this raunchy piece of garbage is for you.

Uplifting theme: 

•  Family
•  Crime pays? 
• College is expensive and makes parents go crazy

Things I liked:

• I liked seeing Will Ferrell and Amy Poehler together again.  Besides their SNL background, they were both in Blades of Glory ten years ago. Honestly, Amy Poehler was better than Will Ferrell in this flick. If you see this in theaters, you'll also see Will Ferrell being featured in the upcoming sequel of Daddy's Home.
• Jason Mantzoukas was really good in this.  He and Amy Poehler were both in the zany  Parks and Recreation: The Complete Series TV show together.
• The premise is somewhat interesting, so I was curious what they were going to do with the idea.  I live in Las Vegas, so I'm definitely familiar with the idea that the "house always wins." The movie could have been really interesting.  It wasn't.
• There is mention of Panera Bread.  Man, I love that place! I thought it about during the rest of the movie.

Things I didn’t like:

•  It's vulgar and stupid.   
• You might chuckle a time or two, but it's not very funny.
• The family is totally into watching The Walking Dead: Season 1.  I was a fan for a few seasons, but I'm over it.  It seems they could have picked a newer TV show to be obsessed about.
•  This is director Andrew Jay Cohen's first film.  Hopefully, he learns from his mistakes and chooses better writers next time.

Funny lines:

• “One of us has to be an adult here.  So, you be it.” – Kate Johansen (Amy Poehler)
• “What about Bob?” – Bob  (Nick Kroll)   The Johansens laugh and refer to the movie Bill Murray was in called What About Bob?.  Bob then says, “Am I the only one who doesn’t get Bill Murray?”  Yes, Bob.  Yes, you are.  By the way, you should see What About Bob? instead of this one.  
• “Did you just say whom?” – Scott Johansen  (Yeah, I’m a Grammar Nazi too.)

Tips for parents: 

• TONS of marijuana, cocaine, alcohol, gambling, blood-gushing violence, and vomit. 
• People flip the bird.
• Full frontal nudity of men and women walking down the stairs quickly.
•  This is NOT a movie you could show your family with a filtering service.  You would see about a 5 minute clip after the service wiped all of the garbage out.  This is a true Rated R movie.

MOVIE REVIEW MOM

@trinaboice 

Table 19 will make you relive your worst wedding reception

Movie Title:  Table 19

Grade:  C-

Rating:  PG-13, 1 hour 27 minutes

In a Nutshell:  First, let me announce that my oldest son just got engaged!  Woohoo!  I sure hope his reception is nothing like the one in this movie.

This rom-com makes you feel like you’re trapped at a really awful reception with really awful people...and you don't even get to eat cake to make up for it.

Uplifting theme: 

• Forgiveness
• “People do weird things at weddings.” – Huck (Thomas Cocquerel)
• Persistence, self-respect
• Don't judge other people 

Things I liked:

• I always like watching Anna Kendrick.  The director could have easily worked in a singing number for her at the reception, which would have made the film a little less awful.
• Good for Stephen Merchant for having two movies in theaters right now!  In this film, he plays his typical nerdy character, but in Logan, he plays a very different albino character.
• Guys, take note: learn how to dance.  Most of us women dream of being swept off our feet, literally.

Things I didn’t like:

• The cast showed promise, but the dialogue and plot just couldn’t benefit.  The premise was also a good idea, but it just didn't go anywhere.
• Lisa Kudrow and Jerry Kepp have no chemistry together.  I hated watching them fight and bicker for the majority of the movie.
• Teddy and Eloise didn't seem to match at all.  Odd casting, I thought. It didn't seem believable that they had dated.  Notice his geeked-out moves during the dance scene.  ha ha
• Put a beanie on the baby at the end of the movie!  The parents are wearing coats in the winter cold, but the baby needs to be more bundled up!
• People can be so rude.  I wouldn’t want to spend time with most of those people at this wedding.

Funny lines:

• “You children are such a disappointment!” –  Nanny Jo Flanagan (June Squibb), as she talks to the adults at Table 19.
• “Junior prom is a horror show.”  - Renzo Revolori's mom on the phone
• “What kind of a nanny are you?!” – Bina Kepp (Lisa Kudrow) after she sees the nanny do drugs

“Retired.” – Nanny Jo

Tips for parents: 

• Profanity
• Pre-marital relations.  
• The Nanny does drugs and offers them to other people.
•  Bad behavior all around.
• Eloise (Anna Kendrick) expected a kiss after only one dance with a guy she just met?  Seriously?  Talk to your daughters about reality vs. soap opera behavior.

@trinaboice 

Fist Fight showcases the worst of American high school

Movie Title:    Fist Fight

Grade:  D for don't waste your time on this garbage

Rating: R, 1 hour 31 minutes

In a Nutshell:   #TeacherFight

This filthy movie features about 947,633 moments of profanity, bullying, drug-use, porn, and a huge variety of inappropriate and lewd behavior by high school teens AND adults. 

Uplifting theme: 

• “It takes courage to grow up and to become who you really are.”   e.e.cummings
• “Words are always going to matter.” – English teacher
• “Actions have consequences.” – Ron Strickland (Ice Cube)
• As I always tell my 4 sons, “Be. A. Man.”
• If you don't stand up for yourself, who will?

Things I liked:

• Andy Campbell is the perfect wuss.
• Jillian Bell is hilarious, but inappropriate 99% of the time.
• Christina Hendrick smolders, as always.
• Occasionally funny pranks.  I was Senior class president of my high school and planned an awesome Senior Prank.  I sent home letters to all the parents of seniors, explaining that the students would have a particular day off school for some legitimate-sounding reason, forging the principal's signature.

Things I didn’t like:

• There has to be premise for the fight, but Ron Strickland (Ice Cube) throws a temper tantrum in a classroom, destroys school property, and then picks a fight with another teacher.
• Tracy Morgan always plays the same character in everything.  I walked past him in an airport once and said, "Hey!"  He answered back, "Hey yourself."
• I hate the expression “Snitches have stitches.”  I’ve heard students say that before.  It encourages the lack of consequences. 
• I hated the talent show where little elementary school student Ally (Alexa Nisenson) drops a million F-bombs.  NOT adorable.
• I chuckled a few times, but it’s mostly not funny.
• Ice Cube was good, but he pretty much plays the same character in everything he does too: tough, scary guy matched up with a weasely light-weight who plays the comic relief.

Funny lines:

• “No meth period.” – Andy

“When I’m on my period, don’t do it?  That’s when I need it the most.” – Holly

“Holly, this has got to stop!” – Andy

“Cuz it’s a gateway?” – Holly

“It’s the finish line!” – Andy

• “The guy’s a virtuoso.” – janitor

“That doesn’t seem so scary.” – Andy

“You didn’t see his eyes.” – janitor

• “Where do I get drugs?” – Andy

“You’re in a public high school in the United States of America. There couldn’t be a better place to get drugs.” – Holly

• “Whoever dies first haunts the school!” – Holly 

Tips for parents: 

• This is a true Rated R movie that is not family-friendly viewing.
• Tons and tons of profanity.
• Tons of inappropriate images of porn, underage sex talk, and masturbation.
• It makes American high school look like it’s filled with complete drug & porn addicted delinquents.

@trinaboice