The Hobbit: Battle of Five Armies satisfies the army of fans who want to see the final installment

Movie:  THE HOBBIT: THE BATTLE OF THE FIVE ARMIES

PG-13, 2 hours 24 minutes

Grade:  A-

In a Nutshell:

Fans will be mostly satisfied with the way the end is handled and how introductions are made to step viewers into the Lord of the Rings trilogy, as we go full circle.  I think J.R.R. Tolkien would have been very proud of the way Peter Jackson has presented both of his stories, and especially impressed by how Peter Jackson was able to squeeze 3 entire movies out of his Hobbit tale.  

I didn't think The Hobbit movie trilogy wasn't quite as awesome as the Lord of the Rings trio, but it's still a fine companion in the storytelling and worth the visit to CGI Middle Earth.  Easily the most violent of all of the films in the series, the battle of five armies includes the army of fans who will see the final installment and make Peter Jackson's movies go down in history as one of the most beloved cinematic stories.

Uplifting Theme:

·         “You should never underestimate dwarves.” – Thorin Oakenshield (Richard Armitage)

·         “Don’t underestimate the evil of gold.” – Gandolf

·         What is your true treasure?

·         Cowardice vs. true bravery
*    "Saruman believes it is only great power that can hold evil in check, but that is not what I have found. I found it is the small everyday deeds of ordinary folk that keep the darkness at bay. Small acts of kindness and love. Why Bilbo Baggins? I don't know. Perhaps because I am afraid, and he gives me courage."   - Gandolf

Things I liked:

·         The action starts exactly where it left off in The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug .  If you missed Part 2, then the beginning of this movie and subtle plots and characters will probably be confusing for you. Better to start from the beginning.  To see my movie review of the previous Hobbit movie, click here.

·         The cliffs in 3D are magnificent and scary!

·         The landscapes are stunning.  The aerial views are just beautiful.

·         Smaug is magnificent.  I love it when his belly glows before he hurls fire at his enemies.  Did you see him as a guest on The Colbert Report?  Hilarious.  While you’re at it, watch the recent Saturday Night Live skit of TheOffice: Middle Earth., hosted by Martin Freeman (Bilbo Baggins). Super funny.

·         FINALLY, Legolas (Orlando Bloom) actually runs out of arrows.  Ha ha

·         I can never get enough of seeing the gorgeous, majestic elves with their silky long hair, and elegant poise.  The moose that Thranduil (Lee Pace) rode was awesome.  Watching the synchronized army in battle was cool too.

·         The IMAX 3D version of the film offers incredible clarity.  If you’re a big fan of this trilogy, it's worth it to pay extra for it.
*    Aiden Turner (Kili) is so cute!  Former heart-throb Orlando Bloom (Legolas) is starting to look old because of the odd CGI work they did on his face.
*    Two words: Benedict Cumberbatch.

Things I didn’t like:

·         I hate looking at Alfrid’s zit face.  He’s such a greasy little weasel that you love to hate.

·         Gandolf is such a helpless wizard.  Seriously, he rarely uses his wisdom and power until after suffering peril for a long time.

·         Remember the fake CGI scene in the last Hobbit movie when Legolas was jumping on barrels in the river?  Well, there’s some more of that awkward action, but this time there are rocks that are crumbling and falling down mid-air as he unbelievably climbs up them.  There are a few other times when the CGI looks more like a video game than cool imagery.  Whatever.  The movie is still visually amazing.
*  Considering Bilbo is THE hobbit that this trilogy is named after, he played a somewhat minor role in this last film.
*   While it's always lovely to see Cate Blanchett, that green, psycho look on Galadriel isn't becoming on her.  ha ha

Funny lines:

·         “I may be a burglar, but I like to think I’m an honest one.” – Bilbo

·         “Not every man is brave enough to wear a corset.” - Alfrid

Interesting lines:

·         “What is it you know?” – Thorin

“Nothing for certain.  It is what may come I fear.”  - Legolas

·         “It is your king’s command.” – Tauriel  (Evangeline Lilly)

“He is my king, but he does not command my heart.” – Legolas

·         “If this is love, I do not want it.  Take it from me.  Why does it hurt so much?” – Tauriel

“Because it was real.” – Thranduil

·         “If more people valued love above gold, this would be a far more merry place.” – Thorin

·          "I will not hide when others fight our battles for us."  - Kili
*     "You started this.  You will forgive me if I finish it."  - Thranduil

Tips for Parents:

·         The title of this movie includes mention of five armies…let that be a warning to you…there are a lot of battle scenes, violence, and gruesome death scenes, including decapitation and burning bodies....kinda icky and scary stuff for young children!

Check out these fun Hobbit products for Christmas:

The Hobbit: Desolation of Smaug simmers

Movie Title: The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug: Original Motion Picture Soundtrack Special Edition  

Grade: B+

In a Nutshell:  Fill up your popcorn buckets early folks…this is a long movie. It feels good to be back in Middle Earth. According to the Associated Press, it looks like everyone was willing to spend Christmas with The Hobbit . The second part of The Hobbit trilogy won the weekend box office, bringing in $29.9 million over three days.  Tried and true fans of the Lord of the Rings have been supporting the Hobbit’s story, although most will admit this second trilogy isn’t quite as novel or spell-binding as the first.  (Terrible puns intended.)

Bilbo Baggins (the terrific Martin Freeman) continues his journey with thirteen Dwarves and Gandalf the Grey (beloved Ian McKellan) to reclaim the lost Dwarf Kingdom of Erebor within the grand mountain.  You can’t blame Director Peter Jackson for trying to cash in on a proven hit.  Did you know Pan’s Labryinth’s Guillermo del Toro was one of the writers?

Uplifting theme: Good vs. evil.  Light vs. darkness.  Courage vs. cowardice. In the first Hobbit movie, Bilbo was so frightened by the idea of a quest that he fainted.  With each progressing film, Bilbo develops heroic qualities and reveals hidden reserves of inner strength.  Mankind, and perhaps even WWI England, may be whom Tolkien wanted to inspire to greatness.  Epic literature often features swords with names to show the bravery of the holder, so it is fitting that as Bilbo’s courage grows, he names his short sword that killed the spiders “Sting.” 

Things I liked:  The dragon was amazing.  I loved how you could see the fire building beneath his throat and belly before he roared with flames.  Very cool.  It gives real meaning to their expression “the flames of war.” The barrel scene was whimsical and action-packed, albeit cheesy and not as polished as the rest of the CGI in the film.  You can see individual hairs blowing in the wind in the 3D version of the High Frame Rate.  At first, the 48 frames per second feels odd to the senses, but the quality is amazing.  I love the simmering Smaug played expertly by Benedict Cumberbatch. 

We learn another trick the ring can do: it allows Bilbo to understand what the giant spiders are saying.  Ick.  Fans of Lost will be happy to see Canadian beauty Evangeline Lilly take to the screen as Tauriel, one of the many new characters that don’t exist in J.R.R. Tolkien’s original book.

Things I didn’t like:  I tried to read The Hobbit when I was in college and shamefully admit I just couldn’t get into it.  While I loved The Lord of the Rings, there is something missing in this Hobbit trilogy.  It simmers just below being a really great movie. I confess that I was completely exhausted when I watched this film, so I don’t know if it was that or because the movie was dragging that caused me to doze off a time or two. 

What happened to sexy, playful Legolas?  He was angry and moody throughout the entire movie.  Poor Orlando Bloom.  Have you noticed that Orcs never walk, but are constantly running at a wicked pace?

Humans are always so greasy and dirty in these films, have you noticed?  The Master of Laketown’s assistant had some “ripe” zits that were incredibly disgusting to look at.  Gandolf’s only power (although effective) was to slam down his staff and bring evil-destroying light.  Other than that, he was fleeing on a horse or running…it would be nice if he could contribute more magic to get everyone out of their never-ending dangerous predicaments.

Funny lines:  

• “What is that?”  “Our host!”
• “Did he offer you a deal?”  “I did.  I told him he could #$%!#$.”  (We assume that’s some kind of profanity in Dwarf lingo.)

Insightful quotes:

• “When did we allow evil to become stronger than us?”  - Tauriel
• “Do not think that flattery will keep you alive.”   - Dragon
• “What have we done?”  - Bilbo
• “He cannot see beyond his own desire.”  - Bard the Bowman
• “Such is the nature of evil.  In time all foul things come forth.”  - Legolas

Things to look for: 

• The comical self-portrait and statue of Stephen Fry as Master of Laketown
• Speaking of Laketown…did you notice Stephen Colbert in the movie?!  He played a Laketown spy and was invited by Peter Jackson who declared him the king of Lord of the Ring geeks.  Rumor has it he may in the third installment as well.
• I know a guy in real life who looks just like the handsome Aidan Turner who plays Kili.  He’s an inspiring artist who makes super cool t-shirt designs at www.BeamingDownPeace.com   He’s in the 3^rd & 6^th photo on the “Us” page.  There’s a shout-out for ya Nick!
• Stunning black & white horses towards the beginning of the film
• Cool transformation scene when the “Skin Changer” turns into a human
• The Prancing Pony from Lord of the Rings at the beginning of the film
• Beautiful, long Elf locks.  Someone from Loreal needs to make an Elf a spokes model
• A quick peek at what a woman Dwarf and baby Dwarf look like in the photo inside the necklace.  Look fast!
• The rock that looks like Rodin’s famous “The Thinker” just outside a cave

Tips for parents:  Lots of fighting and some scary scenes with spiders, Orcs, fiery dragon, and other creepy creatures.

Fun products if you're a Tolkien fan:

The Lord of the Rings (50th Anniversary Edition)
Tolkien Calendar 2014, The hobbit
Lord Of The Rings Sting Sword Letter Opener