Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales fatigues fans

Movie Title:  
Pirates Of The Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales

Grade:  B

Rating:   PG-13, 135 minutes

In a Nutshell:  I guess this is what you call "Franchise Fatigue."  Audiences are getting a little tired and so is this series.  Disney might see a surge in the 50 year old theme park favorite, but overall, fans are wistfully remembering back to the old days when Jack Sparrow was fresh and new.  Don't get me wrong though...if you're in the mood for some pirate shenanigans, you'll be entertained.

It's better than the last couple of installments.  Will there be a #6? Probably.  What am I saying?  Of course there will be!  This is the 12th highest grossing franchise film of all time.

Uplifting theme: 

• “Just because you can’t see something doesn’t mean it’s not there.” – Carina Smyth
• Friendship, loyalty, family 

Things I liked:

• Great special effects.  Pretty amazing visuals above and below the water.
• While totally over-the-top, Javier Bardem plays a sufficiently scary villain named Captain Salazar. Did you know he was married to the beautiful Penelope Cruz, who starred in Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides ?
• Brenton Thwaites is just the eye candy young female fans want.  SPOILER:  I love that Orlando Bloom makes a couple of appearances.
• SPOILER: Great ending!  The audience cheered when they saw Keira Knightley.  At first, she said she wasn't interested in being in the movie, but audiences will all be grateful that she changed her mind.
•  Horologist.  Ha ha
•  CGI Jack Sparrow when he was young.  Interesting.  At first I thought they found a young actor who looked like Johnny Depp, but then I could see when the lips didn't quite match the words and could tell it was CGI.
• Captain Jack Sparrow's father was played by a Rolling Stone (Keith Richards) and now, his uncle is played by a Beatle (Paul McCartney)!  He's seen singing "Maggie Mae", which is an old drinking song of the sea from Liverpool.
• "A skeleton walks into a bar, orders a mop and a beer...." is the same joke told by Al Pacino to Johnny Depp's character in Donnie Brasco

Things I didn’t like:

• It’s so loud that a lot of the lines get swallowed up in other sound effects and so you can’t always hear what people are saying.
• Kaya Scodelario just a good job as Carina Smith.  Her dress was so low cut and she was always out of breath that I got tired of seeing her heaving chest in almost every scene she was in.
•  Slapstick comedy and goofy lines get wearisome.
• As much as I love Johnny Depp, his character didn't bring anything new to this movie and was far less interesting than the others.  He supplies some humor, but that's about it.  He's not clever and witty, like in the first movie; he's just a drunk buffoon. 
• A lot of jokes are recycled over and over.
• There's no sense of urgency.  The pacing kind of lags and I started actually getting sleepy.  It feels long, even though it has the shortest running time of all the Pirates flicks.
• They filmed some of the boat scenes in the first movie on the actual ocean, but a lot of the similar scenes in this movie look like they're on a set with a green screen.  Disappointing.

Funny lines:

• “We’ll honeymoon in the barn.” – ugly lady who Jack Sparrow is forced to marry 

Interesting lines:

• “Dead men tell no tales.” – Captain Salivar
• “Who am I to you?” – Carina

“A treasure.” – Captain Barbossa (Geoffrey Rush)

Tips for parents: 

• Lots of fighting, violence, and high body count.  Umm...pirates.   Duh.
• Decapitated heads in a basket.
• Lots of destruction.
• Some inappropriate sexual innuendos.

MOVIE REVIEW MOM

@trinaboice 

Gods of Egypt tries a little too hard

Movie Title:  Gods of Egypt

Grade:  C

Rating:  PG-13, 2 hours 7 minutes

In a Nutshell:    Before my 15 year old son even saw this film, he determined “It’s just a special effects movie.”  Indeed.  It’s not a bad movie; it’s just not a great one.

Considering its huge CGI budget and ambition, the audience I sat with hardly reacted to anything.  The film tries almost too hard and audiences have been responding with a shrug and a “meh”.

Don’t get me wrong.  It’s filled with action and a few entertaining moments that made me laugh.  It reminded me a little bit of the campy style of The Scorpion King

It’s generally family-friendly as you watch Gerard Butler (Set) battle Nikolaj Coster-Waldau (Horus) in an epic struggle for power over Egypt. 

 Uplifting theme: 

• “I don’t know if I’m strong enough.” – Horus

“Then become stronger.” -   Ra

• Osiris, the king (Bryan Brown), holds up two items and explains , “A token from someone with much and someone with little, but when both die and stand at the final gate, what is their value then?  They are symbols of a life well lived.  I say they are equal.  All are welcome in the afterlife.”
• “Never doubt any man who is fighting for the one thing as powerful as a god: love.” – narrator, Bek (Brenton Thwaites)
• The existence and the entrance to the after-life has been debated for thousands of years.  Horus announces, "From this moment on, the after-life must be earned, not by gold, but by good deeds, compassion, and generosity.  What we do, how we act in this life matters."

Things I liked:

• The music really gets you in the mood for a mystical Egyptian journey.
• Some of the CGI is very cool, while other parts are super cheesy.
• I liked the symbolism of the horn that Set gave Horus at the coronation.  It is an ancient symbol of power, the very thing that Set wanted.
• I love watching Geoffrey Rush in anything.  He plays the legendary Ra.
• I love the cool wings on some of the women.
• Rufus Sewell always does a great job as a bad guy. I first took notice of him in A Knight’s Tale. 
• The narrator at the beginning of the movie (an older, wiser Bek, played by Brenton Thwaites) explains that the gods have gold running through their veins, rather than gold, which you get to see several times.  Cool.
• In the style of The Lord Of The Rings: The Fellowship Of The Ring , the film mixes scale by showing very tall gods next to small mortals.
• I have a hard time rooting for a protagonist who is a thief or another who is selfish and lazy.  I want my heroes to be good and honorable.  Both gods and mortals are featured with all of their flaws in this film, yet they also have redeeming qualities.  There is some growth in the protagonists and love conquers all.
• This could make a good video game.  It almost feels like one already.
• Beautiful shots from above cities.

Things I didn’t like:

• There are a lot of jokes that simply fall flat.
• I thought it was cool how the gods transformed from their human form into their true god shape.
• There were some lame “Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon” suspended fake moves.
• The clothes look like costumes.  The sets look like sets.  The acting feels like acting.  You know you’re watching a movie, rather than disappearing into another world as you watch it.
• The pacing is terrible.
• Absolutely no Egyptian actors were used in the film.  None.  Zero. Ziltch.
• You can tell the movie thinks it's better than it is.

Funny lines:

•  “Your chance of failure is overwhelming.” – Thoth (Chadwick Boseman)
• “If I attempted to explain, your brain would liquefy and explode.” – Thoth

Interesting lines:

•  “Are you sure you’re not a God?” - Horus

“What would I be a god of? Stupidity?” – Bek

“The Impossible.” - Horus

• “Have you gotten so lazy that you’ve forgotten that every god’s life is a journey?” - Ra

Tips for parents:   

• Lots and lots of fighting.
• Lots and lots of beautiful women falling out of their clothes.
• Some profanity.
• Several scenes in bed, but you only see kissing.
• The final messages of the movie are good one for kids: honor, love, kindness, duty, friendship.