Saturday, May 27, 2017

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales fatigues fans

Grade:  B

Rating:   PG-13, 135 minutes

In a Nutshell:  I guess this is what you call "Franchise Fatigue."  Audiences are getting a little tired and so is this series.  Disney might see a surge in the 50 year old theme park favorite, but overall, fans are wistfully remembering back to the old days when Jack Sparrow was fresh and new.  Don't get me wrong though...if you're in the mood for some pirate shenanigans, you'll be entertained.

It's better than the last couple of installments.  Will there be a #6? Probably.  What am I saying?  Of course there will be!  This is the 12th highest grossing franchise film of all time.

Uplifting theme: 
  • “Just because you can’t see something doesn’t mean it’s not there.” – Carina Smyth
  • Friendship, loyalty, family 

Things I liked:
  • Great special effects.  Pretty amazing visuals above and below the water.
  • While totally over-the-top, Javier Bardem plays a sufficiently scary villain named Captain Salazar. Did you know he was married to the beautiful Penelope Cruz, who starred in Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides ?
  • Brenton Thwaites is just the eye candy young female fans want.  SPOILER:  I love that Orlando Bloom makes a couple of appearances.
  • SPOILER: Great ending!  The audience cheered when they saw Keira Knightley.  At first, she said she wasn't interested in being in the movie, but audiences will all be grateful that she changed her mind.
  •  Horologist.  Ha ha
  •  CGI Jack Sparrow when he was young.  Interesting.  At first I thought they found a young actor who looked like Johnny Depp, but then I could see when the lips didn't quite match the words and could tell it was CGI.
  • Captain Jack Sparrow's father was played by a Rolling Stone (Keith Richards) and now, his uncle is played by a Beatle (Paul McCartney)!  He's seen singing "Maggie Mae", which is an old drinking song of the sea from Liverpool.
  • "A skeleton walks into a bar, orders a mop and a beer...." is the same joke told by Al Pacino to Johnny Depp's character in Donnie Brasco

Things I didn’t like:
  • It’s so loud that a lot of the lines get swallowed up in other sound effects and so you can’t always hear what people are saying.
  • Kaya Scodelario just a good job as Carina Smith.  Her dress was so low cut and she was always out of breath that I got tired of seeing her heaving chest in almost every scene she was in.
  •  Slapstick comedy and goofy lines get wearisome.
  • As much as I love Johnny Depp, his character didn't bring anything new to this movie and was far less interesting than the others.  He supplies some humor, but that's about it.  He's not clever and witty, like in the first movie; he's just a drunk buffoon. 
  • A lot of jokes are recycled over and over.
  • There's no sense of urgency.  The pacing kind of lags and I started actually getting sleepy.  It feels long, even though it has the shortest running time of all the Pirates flicks.
  • They filmed some of the boat scenes in the first movie on the actual ocean, but a lot of the similar scenes in this movie look like they're on a set with a green screen.  Disappointing.

Funny lines:
  • “We’ll honeymoon in the barn.” – ugly lady who Jack Sparrow is forced to marry 

Interesting lines:
  • “Dead men tell no tales.” – Captain Salivar
  • “Who am I to you?” – Carina
“A treasure.” – Captain Barbossa (Geoffrey Rush)

Tips for parents: 
  • Lots of fighting, violence, and high body count.  Umm...pirates.   Duh.
  • Decapitated heads in a basket.
  • Lots of destruction.
  • Some inappropriate sexual innuendos.


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