Movie Title: Baywatch
Grade: D for don't waste your time and money on this raunchy garbage
Rating: R, 116 minutes
In a Nutshell:
Based on the popular 1990's TV show and timed perfectly for the beginning of summer and beach season, this vulgar film is terrible.
Based on the popular 1990's TV show and timed perfectly for the beginning of summer and beach season, this vulgar film is terrible.
Uplifting theme:
- Saving lives
Things I liked:
- The
opening sequence when the Rock saves someone in the water at the beach is
hilarious. He’s so unbelievably
buff. Someone asks him, “Are you
Batman?” He replies, “Sure. Just bigger and browner.” Later, someone else says, “I heard he
invented Google.” He’s pretty
amazing and I was really hoping this action comedy would be good. So disappointing.
- Subtitles
for surfer lingo. Hilarious. I lived in San Diego for 6 years, but
never quite learned the language.
- David
Hasselhoff returns to inspire the new leaders. Notice the picture of him on the
wall in the office. Ha ha
- Alexandra Daddario's eyes are gorgeous. So are Zac Efron’s. Man, is he cut and tan in this movie.
- “Little
Mitch” in the aquarium was pretty funny.
- Fun little surprise at the end for true Baywatch fans.
- Hilarious
seeing Dwayne Johnson working at Sprint.
- Keep
watching during the rolling credits at the end of the movie for some
bloopers with the actors.
- The
advice about being aware of “Sand Grifters” is a good one. There are always plenty of scumbag
thieves at the beach, just waiting for you to not pay attention. Someone stole my brand, new beach towel
while my husband and I swam in the water on our honeymoon. Stinkers.
- One of
my sons was a lifeguard one summer…
Things I didn’t like:
- The
first 15 minutes of the movie are about a guy who gets his “junk” stuck
somewhere. What, are the writers of
this movie 12? C’mon.
- It’s
surprising that a Chinese film company (Shanghai Media Group and Huahua
Pictures) would have anything to do with this filthy movie. Their country rejects such
profanity and vulgarity.
- The fire on the boat scene looked SUPER fake. A LOT of the scenes look fake.
- The movie definitely doesn't take itself seriously. In fact, it would have been funny if it were just one big spoof on the source material. It lost me the minute it took a swim in the gutter and became super trashy.
- After watching this movie, you're going to look in the mirror and never want to eat again. The cast is in incredible shape.
Funny lines:
- “Everything
you guys are saying sounds like an entertaining, but far-fetched TV show.”
– Matt Brody (Zac Efron)
- “Why
does she always look like she’s running in slow-mo?” – Summer (Alexandra Daddario)
“She’s the reason I believe in
God.” – Ronnie (Jon Bass)
- “Jason
Bourne ain’t got nothing on me.” – Matt Brody
- “Shoes? You’re wearing workerman shoes? How far
have you fallen?” – Hasslehoff
- “You
people? You people?!” – Matt Brody
“You don’t get to say that. You’re just tan.” – Mitch Buchannon (Dwayne Johnson)
- “You’re
like the Stephen Hawking of swimming, minus the paralysis part.” – Captain Thorpe (Rob Huebel)
- “He’s
reckless and insubordinate.” – Mitch Buchannon
“Which is why we can afford him.” –
Captain Thorpe
- “Hey,
High School Musical!” – Mitch calls Zac Efron's character. ha ha
Interesting lines:
- “Every man has his price.” – Victoria Leeds (Priyanka Chopra)
- “Leon doesn’t talk. He’s a man of action and there’s a purity in that.” – Dave (Hannibal Buress)
Tips for parents:
- This
is a trashy movie. There is a
constant stream of crude, inappropriate jokes. If you try to filter out the bad parts, this will be a 15 minute movie.
- You see tons of scantily clad and even a guy’s “package” completely naked.
- TONS of profanity and F-bombs, even in the soundtrack.
@trinaboice
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