Monday, May 29, 2017

How to Be A Latin Lover is offensive, and I'm not even Latina

Movie Title:  How To Be A Latin Lover

Grade:  C

Rating:  PG-13, 115 minutes

In a Nutshell: Welcome to the multi-cultural talent of Eugenio Derbez.  He’s one of the most successful actor/comedians in Mexico.  You may have seen him in a various Adam Sandler projects before, but you’re about to see more of him…a LOT of him in this movie (he takes his close off often), but in upcoming movies too.

Nah, I wasn't seduced.  It was too filthy to be fun.

Uplifting theme: 
  • “It’s never too late to do what’s right.” – Cindy (Kristen Bell)
  • Family, true love, friendship
  • There are things more important than money.
  • "You get what you work for, not what you wish for." - Sara

Things I liked:
  • Raphael Alejandro is a jackpot discovery in this film.  He’s absolutely adorable and has a bright future in Hollywood if he wants one.  Those dimples!
  • The lovely Salma Hayek plays Maximo’s sister and a struggling single mother. 
  • You get to hear Kristen Bell sing.  She was wonderful in Frozen (2013).
  • Small parts go to familiar faces you know and like, all named Rob: Rob Lowe, Rob Corddry, Rob Riggle, Rob Huebel. 
  • Usually Rob Lowe plays the handsome, rich guy, right?  It was nice to see him be a pizza driver and broke for a change.
  • Maximo wakes up on the flat air mattress.  I hate those things!  That’s happened to me before.
  • When Sara (Salma Hayek) gets depressed, she turns a sad song into an energetic salsa.  Great idea!
  • Cute balloons at Arden (Mckenna Grace) ’s birthday party!
  • Raquel Welch has aged, but is still a timeless beauty.
  • There’s an authentic, although clichéd Latin vibe in the movie.  Salma Hayek and Eugenio Derbez speak Spanish a lot, so there are a lot of subtitles.

Things I didn’t like:
  • If I were Latina, I’d probably be doubly offended.
  • A LOT of crude gestures and lines.
  • Do you know anyone who has actually earned money by having their car wrapped?  I called a few companies once and it was a real bait-and-switch.  Drats.
  • Maximo gives such terrible advice to Hugo.  He’s a terrible role model in oh so many ways.
  • There’s an odd moment with Weird Al Yankovic.

Funny lines:
  • “I didn’t know we could do that!” – Hugo after he watches his uncle pour cereal from the box directly into his mouth.
“We can’t!” – Sara
  • “She doesn’t even know I exist.” – Hugo
“Why do you say that?” – Maximo
“Because she’s a girl…and she’s beautiful.” – Hugo
  • “I was named after my grandfather’s dog.” – Quincy (Rob Corddry)
“The legacy lives on.” – Maximo
  • “She’s been through too much emotionally…and surgically to put up with this.” – Quincy
  • “You guys are getting real creative with these gummy bears.  Most people just eat them.” – Cindy
  • “What is a virgin?” – Hugo
“It’s an airline.” –Maximo
“Pull my finger……false alarm.” – Maximo
  • “You sound like Dora the Explorer” – Maximo to Rob Lowe when he tries to speak with a Spanish accent
  • “I don’t need a Rolex, bro!” – Nick (Rob Huebel) as he points to his FitBit.

Interesting lines:
  • “Cokes have no nutritional value.” – Hugo   True.
  • “Do I have something on my face?” – Arden
“You have my full attention.” – Hugo

Tips for parents: 
  • The title reveals that this is really not a family-friendly movie.  The protagonist is a gigolo, so that should tell you something.
  • Lots of profanity and F-bombs.
  • TONS of crude, raunchy humor.
  • This should be an R-rated movie.
  • There is a lot of smacking people on the head.  I hate that.
  • Tons of crotch shots and butt grabs.


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