PG-13, 2 hours 19 minutes
Grade: D - for Don't waste your hard-earned money on this piece of garbage
In a Nutshell:
Oh, Hollywood.
Why?
Has
anyone in Hollywood
actually read the
Bible
? You have the ability to make movie magic, but you
really messed up this one.
Who knew
there were rock people/Transformers in the
Noah
story?
I guess I missed that part when I read the
scriptures.
Movie critics are singing praises for this film for being an
epic and fresh take on an old tale, but the rest of us, especially those who
actually know the story, are seriously disappointed and even a bit
alarmed. At one point during the movie,
I leaned over to my husband and said “I really hate this movie.” In fact, it made me angry.
Hopeful Christians and Jews are flocking to the theater,
only to be shocked at the bizarre depiction of Noah as an environmentalist
whose sole purpose was to protect “the innocents” (animals) so that God could
have justice by destroying man and the wicked world.
The trailer for this unbiblical fantasy film looked so promising
and certainly didn’t reveal the strange elements that are making movie-goers
shake their heads in frustration.
The
recent release of
Son of God makes the religious community that eagerly wants
to support “good” films declare “two strikes in a row.”
In a recent interview, writer/director Darren Aronofsky was
accused of taking some liberties with the story.
Self-proclaimed atheist, Aronofsky, responded
“You cast Russell Crowe as Noah and you’re taking some liberties!”
But it goes much deeper than actor
choice.
Aronofsky completely changed the
story.
By the way, Aronofsky is the
director of the award-winning
Black Swan
which earned over $300 million.
His creative interpretation of the Bible
story comes out of innovative art, not faith.
Oh yeah, and clever marketing to make more millions.
Uplifting theme: The Creator is a god of mercy, not
justice alone.
Things I liked:
- I
thought the touching scene where Noah assures Ila (the lovely Emma Watson) that she belonged in
their family was really sweet. He
said to her “Please don’t forget you’re a precious, precious girl.” Of course, later he wanted to kill her
and her babies…Noah is portrayed as a lunatic, crazed on bringing God’s
justice to the world and to his family, something I definitely did not
like. I have a much different view
of what a prophet of God acts like.
Rage, violence, short-sightedness, drunkedness, and murderer are
not included in the list of qualities I expect from one who walks with
God.
- Who
doesn’t adore Anthony Hopkins? The
audience giggled every time he talked about his craving for berries. His supernatural ability to touch Shem’s
forward and make him instantly fall asleep was odd, as well as a skill I
wish I had when my children were younger.
- The
film was made in Iceland
and New York
with beautiful vistas.
- I
thought the glowing strip of fabric that each prophet wrapped around his
arm and passed down to his son was interesting because it looked like a
snake skin, providing a reminder of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden and
a constant reminder to obey the commandments of God.
- I
liked it when the first water drop fell from the sky on to Noah’s
blue/green eye, making it look like a flood around the planet earth.
- The
rainbow at the very end was very subtle, but a gentle reminder that God
will never flood the earth again.
- I
liked the interesting animal that gets killed by Cain’s descendants at the
beginning of the movie. Apparently,
that creature’s kind never made it on to the ark. (wink)
- The
Bible doesn’t tell us much about Noah’s wife, but can you imagine how much
manure she must have shoveled? She had to have been an extremely hard
worker, supportive wife, and loving mother to put up with everything they
must have gone through during their epic trek. Jennifer Connelly does a terrific job
and is a mother of three sons in real life. I thought it was funny that we don’t
know her name, so the writer’s named her “Naameh” (pronounced
Nawmay)…kinda looks like the word “name”, right? Lame.
Things I didn’t like:
- Soooo
many things were not scripturally correct.
I started making a list of all of the inaccuracies, but finally
gave up because the list was too long. If you’d like to find out what
really happened in the story, you can start by reading Genesis chapters 6 to 9. Of course, we don’t have a
lot of the details, so some of the ideas that were included in the movie
are thought-provoking. For example,
how do you keep that many animals from eating each other for over a year
in tight quarters? I liked their
idea of creating some kind of incense that would put the creatures into a
form of hibernation. And no, Samuel L. Jackson doesn’t appear and say he’s
@#$! sick and tired of all the snakes on the $#!#$! ark. Ha ha
- Noah
was quick to recognize dreams and miracles from God in the beginning, yet
couldn’t see the tender mercies of God during the remainder of the movie. Lame again.
Naameh asks Noah “Did God speak to you?” and he answers “I think
so.” I envision prophets having a
much closer relationship with God than the kind depicted in this film
where Emo-Noah is so uncertain and seems to stumble upon a vague directive
from the Creator of the universe after his grandfather makes him drink some kind of hallucinogen. More lame.
- I
believe the scriptures are true and so I believe the story of Noah. God literally baptized the earth with
water and His protective hand was over the righteous family of Noah the entire
time. I hated all of the crazy turmoil
inside the ark that included Ham’s desire for revenge, an evil stowaway, and
how everyone wanted to kill Noah. I
picture something infinitely more peaceful as God lovingly cared for the
prophet’s family every step of the way.
- Noah’s
sons were married, so all of the drama about barren Ila and Noah not
allowing his other sons to bring girls on the ark was inane and annoying.
- I
thought Naameh’s home pregnancy kit was ridiculous.
- The
rock people (The Watchers) would have been cool in Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
, but they were laughable in this one.
- It was
hard to feel badly for Ham’s girlfriend when they only knew each other for
about two minutes. Their first date was hanging out in a ditch with a bunch of corpses. Classic. I would have
liked to see more character development so we could have had time to care
about her.
- I was
kind of surprised that more time wasn’t spend on the disaster movie nature
of the film, showing us more detail on what was going on outside the ark
as the flood waters arrived. Then, my D grade for this movie could have a double meaning for Disaster.
- The
liberal slant about the descendants of Cain who industrialized the world
and raped it of its natural resources reminded me of being preached at in
Ferngully: The Last Rainforest
.
- Did anyone even notice Nick Nolte in the film?
- This film could have been so awesome if Darren Aronofsky had actually wanted to tell the story of Noah. He didn't and it wasn't. The end.
Inspiring lines:
- “Is this the
end of everything?” - Ila “The beginning of everything.” - Noah
- Tubal Cain,
the wicked king barks “I have men at my back and you stand alone to defy
me?” I loved it when Noah
confidently declares “I am not alone.”
- Ham
defiantly yells to his father “Do you want me to be a child?” Noah challenges him “I’m asking you to
be a man and do what needs to be done.”
- “I see my
sons. All they desire is love. Isn’t that all we need to be good?” - Naameh
- “You chose
mercy. You chose love.” - Ila says to Noah
- “He chose
you because you saw the wickedness of man and knew you wouldn’t look
away. But there is goodness
too.” - Ila says to Noah about why
God chose him to prepare the ark. She provides a lot of insightful lessons in the movie and wraps up the theme quite nicely in the end. Yay Hermione Granger!
- “May you
walk along side the Creator in righteousness.” - Noah’s father gives him this counsel
at the beginning of the movie. It’s
great advice for all of us, don’t you think?
- “Strength
comes from the Creator.” - Noah
Did you know?
- Countries
like Qatar, United Arab Emirates, and Bahrain
notified Paramount Pictures that they will not release this film.
- Director
Darren Aronofsky jokes that they ran out of money, so they weren’t able to
film a whole lot of the fish and creatures under the waters.
Tips for
parents: Children may become
confused about what the real story of Noah is because of so many nonsensical
elements in this film. Be prepared for
violence, blood, infanticide, some discussion of sex.
reminded me of the 1991 movie Backdraft
, which I loved.
, another fantastic movie where Jeff Bridges plays the same kind of character. Don't get me wrong...he does it very well!
, another fantastic movie where Jeff Bridges plays the same kind of character. Don't get me wrong...he does it very well!
, this
time-traveling tale is filled with a wonderfully talented cast: Colin Farrell
(
), Jessica Brown Findlay (“Downton Abbey”), Jennifer Connelly
(
), William Hurt (
), Eva Marie
Saint (
), Russell Crowe (
), and Matt Bomer
(
).
romantic
magic, but with even more fantastical whimsy that requires a suspension of
belief to enjoy and sometimes to understand.