Vampire Academy now on DVD for those suffering Twilight withdrawals

The newest DVD to hit store shelves this week is:

Movie Title:   Vampire Academy

PG-13, 1 hour 45 minutes

Grade:   C-

 

In a Nutshell:   Juno meets Harry Potter meets Twilight meets Mean Girls meets terrible movie.  It could have been fun if it were designed to be a spoof.  Alas, brothers Daniel and Mark Waters have created crass characters with lots of hormones and little class.  It could be considered a guilty pleasure if you’re a teenager girl who has read the book and can’t get enough of vampire flicks.

 

Uplifting theme:   In the words of (NO spoiler alert): “Blood is what connects us all.  Blood is sustenance.  Blood is family.  Blood is pain and blood is death.” 

Things I liked:

• Ummm…

 Things I didn’t like:

• Snarky dialogue that tried too hard to be cool.
• Monologuing villains
• The ending leaves an opening for a sequel.  Please, no!

 Funny lines:

• “Stopping is for losers.”  -  Rose
• “A female, especially one who lives off of blood and magic, is going to have her mood swings.”  - Rose
• “They say Dimitri is a God.  Well, I’m an Atheist…an atheist with a big gun.” = Spiridion
• “Please don’t say Vampire Academy.  You know how I feel about the V word.” – Lissa Dragomire
• “Weird doesn’t begin to cover it.” – Rose
• “Stop staring at each other all gooey-like.”  - Rose
• “There’s a fine line between concerned and stalker.” - Rose

Tips for parents:   Lots of sassy words on the verge of profanity, inappropriate topics for young kids, pre-marital relations, talk of losing virginity, blood, violence.  Maybe the books are better?

Divergent movie review

Movie Title:   Divergent

Grade:   B

In a Nutshell:   

This planned trilogy is starting off with mixed reviews, despite its popular book by Veronica Roth.  The Hunger Games and Twilight fans will enjoy another heroine who can kick butt and fight the system while finding time for romance.  Shailene Woodley has been successful in supporting roles, but this is the first time her performance carries an entire film.

I think the ideas are interesting and Director Neil Burger creates a dystopian setting that has holes, yet is still intriguing.

Uplifting theme:   Tris declares “Don’t try to define me.”  The movie is about independent will and finding ourselves.  Jeanine Mathews (Kate Winslet) explains “The system removes the threat of anyone practicing their independent will.  Divergence threatens that system.  It won’t be safe until they’re removed.”  Teens often question where they belong, as if there is only one place that they have to find to be “home.”  This film takes a stab at showing we are multidimensional creatures that need to dance on many floors in order to find balance.

Things I liked:

• I’d love to play Capture the Flag with that glow-in-the-dark flag.  How about playing Paint Ball with those guns that shoot darts that make you feel like you’ve been really shot?
• This movie is full of dangerous stunts that make you want to stand in line to try.  For example, I love that gigantic zip-line that goes through the city.  Do you think Universal Studios will build one if this movie does well enough?  I won’t be jumping onto moving trains any time soon though.
• I thought it was interesting to watch the fears some of the characters had.  Four explains that most people have 10-15 really bad fears.  He has...four.  When Tris can’t run away and her feet move slowly in mud during her “fear evasion” sequence, it reminded me that I had that same recurring dream when I was a little girl.  It’s a terrible feeling to not be able to move forward, whether trying to escape danger or making progress on a goal.
• I thought it was an interesting concept that when people in the movie were injected with a certain serum that their thoughts could be controlled.  Isn’t that called alcohol? 
• I love Shailene’s thick, beautiful hair.
• Cool double infinity mirrors and other special effects.
• Who doesn’t love Ashey Judd?
• I’d like a blue jacket with the stylish neckline that Jeanine Mathews wears.

Things I didn’t like:

• The ending was disappointingly predictable, but I haven’t read the books, so I’m hoping there are more interesting things to come.
• Many of the characters were one-dimensional.
• Those in the Dauntless faction run during most of the movie, yet they’re never out of breath.
• Tris tells Four “I don’t want to go too fast.”  The very next thing you see is her in bed near him.  Huh?

Interesting lines:

• “My mother says there’s an art to losing yourself.” – Tris
• Tris sees the fear in Four’s eyes as they climb up and states “You’re afraid of heights.”  He reveals “Everyone is afraid of something.”
• “Are you even human?” – Four says to Tris as he watches her climb a tower with ease.
• “This isn’t real.”  What an empowering sentence you can say to yourself when you have fear.  Courage is doing what you’re afraid to do.  One of my favorite quotes by Franklin D. Roosevelt is “Courage is not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it.” Later, Tris says “Don’t think.  Just jump.”  I’m wondering if we’ll see that tagline on basketball shoes soon?
• “I think human nature is the enemy.”  Jeanine Matthews   What a terrible thought.  Human nature is what makes us all fantastically flawed, interesting, and wonderful.
• “There is a certain beauty in the resistance, but it’s a beauty we can’t afford.” – Jeanine Matthews
• In Divergent , kids who leave the nest aren’t allowed to go back.  Thankfully, in our world they can.  In this troubled economy, we’re seeing an increase in “Boomerang Kids” as college graduates return home to save money while trying to pay back student loans.  How wonderful that families can pull together and embrace returning kids to get support.  On another level, it’s a great thing that we CAN reinvent ourselves and not be pigeon-holed into one thing in our lives.
• “We train soldiers, not rebels.” – Eric
• “Trust the test; it will tell you where you belong.” – Tori  

Tips for parents:  The language is clean, but there are a lot of dangerous stunts you may need to remind your kids NOT to try.  An interesting dinner conversation with your family might be to ask everyone which faction they would want to join if they had to choose.  Check out this fun Infogram MTV made and check out the Harry Potter comparisons.

In case you need to catch up on reading the series...

Grown Ups 2 is a waste of your money and time

Well, I hate to disappoint you, but Grown Ups 2 isn’t going to win any Oscar’s.  Big surprise, right?  While the first installment of Adam Sandler and his buddies pretending to be responsible parents was a fun, goofy flick, this return will bore and disgust you.  The script appears to have been written on a cocktail napkin while Sandler and his actor pals were all drunk out of their minds.

The all-star comedy cast shows that Saturday Night Live bonds last for many years.  I’m glad they’re all having fun and making millions together, but their humor really should be a little bit more grown up by now, don’t you think?  The film is full of crude jokes about barfs, farts, and every body part imaginable.  Fake boobs and coarse, exaggerated antics fill the screen, along with inane dialogue and gags that dwell too long.

Adam Sandler’s character, Lenny Feder, moves back to where he grew up with all of his buddies played by Chris Rock, Kevin James, and David Spade.  Other favorites in the cast include Salma Hayek Pinault, Maya Rudolph, Steve Buscemi, Colin Quinn, Jon Lovitz, Shaquille O’Neal and, of course, Rob Schneider.  Twilight lovers will cringe when they see Taylor Lautner playing a dumb, mean frat boy with lines that include such gems as “farthead.”

 

Adam Sandler attempts to recapture his youth by spewing out the most juvenile plot while insulting his audience.  It’s vulgar and definitely NOT funny.  Are all of the stars in the movie afraid to tell Sandler how bad this movie really is or do they simply not care?

PG-13 for being stupid and offensive, in addition to all of the other reasons.

Grade = F