X-Men: Apocalypse made just for fans

Movie Title:     X-Men Apocalypse

Grade:  B+

Rating:  PG-13, 2 hours 16 minutes

In a Nutshell:    Another super hero movie filled with destruction, violence, and supernatural forces that just might destroy the world.  Ho hum.  

This installment in the X-Men franchise is set in the 1980’s, occurring right after the story in X-Men: Days of FuturePast.  If you’re not a fan of the characters or missed that last movie, you won’t feel very invested in this one.

If you are an X-Men fan, you’ll enjoy this more than the average viewer, and get a kick out of learning more back story about your favorite super heroes.  There is a moment early in the film when a student talks about a movie she is going to see, but admits that it’s a 3^rd sequel, which everyone knows is not as good.  X-Men: Apocalypse both pokes fun at itself and takes itself too seriously.

 Uplifting theme: 

• Loyalty, friendship, family
• Good vs. evil

Things I liked:

• Stan Lee!  I love that Marvel includes him in every movie.  They even gave him a cameo performance in the TV series “Agents of Shield”!
• It was kind of hilarious when the all-powerful mutant Apocalypse (played by Oscar Isaac) starts watching TV.  When Storm (Alexandra Shipp) asks him what he’s doing, he mumbles “Learning.”
• Some of my favorite scenes in this and the last X-Men movie involve Quicksilver (Evan Peters). I love it  when he runs around, rearranging everyone to places of safety.  His character and moments provide most of the comic relief in the film.  He’s awesome, even if he lives in his mother’s basement.  Ha ha
• So many things get destroyed, so it was nice to see one of the mutants rebuild the school with his powers.
• Director Bryan Singer makes a cameo appearance in his own film and describes the moment as “poetic” in an interview with Empire.  He plays a security guard and gets to hug Wolverine in the scene.
• Keep watching the screen after the credits roll for a sneak peek! Audiences are teased with the potential of seeing Mr. Sinister and other cyborg villains.
• Jennifer Lawrence's nephew is a huge X-Men fan, although he tells her she isn't a "real" X-Men.  In an interview with Jimmy Fallin, Jennifer revealed that her nephew played her son in the last Hunger Games film.  When she told him about this X-Men Apocalypse movie, he asked "Do I HAVE to be in this one too?"  ha ha

Things I didn’t like:

• There are several languages spoken, requiring subtitles, which will make it difficult for young ones and slow readers to know what’s going on.
• This will be very dark to see on a computer screen once it comes out on DVD.
• 99% of the movie seemed like it was in front of a green screen.
• The fight scenes were not nearly as good compared to those in Captain America: Civil War.
• Psylocke (Olivia Munn) mostly stood around as a decoration.
• Don’t get me wrong here, I LOVE Hugh Jackman and am always happy to see him in any movie, but I thought it was odd that all of the actors were younger versions of their characters, except for Wolverine.  The good news is that Hugh Jackman has agreed to one more super hero feature in Wolverine 3, scheduled to hit the big screen March 3^rd, 2017.

Funny lines:

• “The CIA would kill for this!”  - Moira (Rose Byrne)
• “Why do you care so much?  Did you see a speech or something on TV?” – Mystique (Jennifer Lawrence)
• “Hold on!  What did I miss?” – Nightcrawler (Kodi Smit-McPhee)

Interesting lines:

•  “Not all of us can control our powers.” – Cyclops (Tye Sheridan)

“Then don’t.  this is war.” – Mystique

• “The 4 horsemen.  He got that from the Bible” – young handsome guy

“Or the Bible got it from him.” – Moira

• “This world needs to be saved.” – Apocalypse 
• “Just because there isn’t a war doesn’t mean there is peace.” – Mystique
• “You got your war plane. Let’s go to war.” – Mystique
• “You will never win.”  - Dr. Charles Xavier

“And why is that?” –  Apocalypse

“Because you are alone.  Am I am not.” – Professor X
* "A gift can often be a curse." - Professor X

Tips for parents:   

• 1 F-bomb and some other profanity.
• LONG sequences of violence and destruction.
• Some characters and sequences might be too scary for young ones.
• One of the characters is a Holocaust survivor, so there is some discussion about tolerance and hatred.
• Most of the violence is bloodless, but in the beginning there is a body that is sliced and gory, as well as bodies that are on fire. Pretty icky.

Ant-Man crawls into Marvel fans' hearts

Movie:    Ant-Man

PG-13, 1 hour 55 minutes

Grade:   B+

In a Nutshell:    Marvel gets that we want action AND comedy.  Paul Rudd is a very charming Ant-Man , as well as a co-writer for this summer's newest Avenger flick. 

While some audiences have been getting superhero fatigue from the sheer number of them constantly hitting the big screen, the fact that this "Honey, I shrunk the Superhero" movie surprises us in a clever, refreshing way is a huge triumph.  It’s no “Guardians of the Galaxy”, but it has the same playful spirit that audiences crave.

Keep watching during the rolling credits for a fun treat.  But wait, keep watching until after ALL the credits for a sneak peek at the next Ant-Man movie.    As it says “The Ant-Man WILL return.”

Uplifting Theme:

·         “Don’t let your past determine your future.” – Howard Stark  (played by Mad Men: Season 1 John Slattery)

·         “It’s not about saving our world.  It’s about saving theirs.” - Dr. Hank Pym (Michael Douglas)

·         “You’re her hero.  Just be the person that she already thinks you are.” – Maggie (Judy Greer whose second hit movie in theaters right now is Jurassic World.)

Things I liked:

·         Fans of Lost: The Complete Seasons 1-5 will enjoy seeing Evangeline Lilly as Hope Van Dyne. 

·         Michael Douglas' transformation from young-ish to older is impressive. 

·         I love the life/death battle scene fits inside a briefcase.  All of the action sequences are extremely creative.

·         The Thomas the Tank train battle scene was hilarious as the camera zoomed in and out to show the comical scale.

·         I’m always excited to see how each Marvel movie chooses to use legendary creator Stan Lee.  His big line in this film?  “Yeah, yeah, super fine.”  Ha ha

·         The fast-talking lip-sync scenes were hilarious and clever.

·         I got a kick out of seeing Ant-Man go to the Avengers building.  Falcon’s wings are awesome.

Things I didn’t like:

·         If you don’t like creepy crawlies, there will be moments when you feel very uncomfortable.  They try to make the ants more adorable than scary, but it doesn’t always work.  There were some definite “ick” moments for me.

·    When I lived in Georgia for 15 years, I battled fire ants on a daily basis in our yard.  Those little guys are viscous.  There was a radio commercial that advertised ant killer which claimed to torture the critters, rather than just kill them, because that’s how homeowners felt about the mean insects.  When we moved back to California, my 2 year old son screamed when he saw a harmless San Diego ant and our neighbor thought he was crazy.  Clearly, my neighbor had never experienced the traumatic horrors of fire ants in the South.

·         With a name like Hope, it's ironic how snotty her attitude was towards her dad.

·         It makes all Mexicans look like a bunch of thugs.

·       The plot is pretty simple without any fun twists.
-    Not nearly enough action.

Did you notice?

·         Luis (Michael Pena) hums “It’s a small world after all.” Appropriate choice because of the size of the superhero, and since Disney produced the film.

·         Why is it that most bad guys are bald?

·         Cross Technologies…as in double cross?

·         Luis makes waffles a lot

·         The reference to the old lady in the movie Titanic
-     Evangeline Lilly has a small bump on her lip.  Don't get me wrong, I think she's gorgeous.  The
      bump was just a little distracting on the close-ups.

·         Funny lines:

·         “One question…is it too late to change the name?” – Scott Lang

·         “My days of breaking in places and stealing shXX  are over.  What do you want me to do?” – Scott

“I want you to break into a place and steal some shXX.” – Dr. Hank Pym

·         “I think our first move should be calling the Avengers.” – Scott

·         “Are we the good guys?  Feels kind of weird, right?” – Luis 

·         “That’s a messed up looking dog.” – Gale

·         “It isn’t often that you rob a place and get invited back.” – Luis

·         “Hank went from despising you to almost like you.” –  Hope

“You really should write poetry.” – Scott

·         “It’s really important that Captain (America) not find out about this.” – Falcon

·         “It wasn’t a violent crime.  It was a cool one.” – Baskin Robbins manager who fired Scott

·         “Mommy’s so happy you’re here she choked on her drink.” – Scott’s daughter played by the
       adorable Abby Ryder Fortson.

·         “It’s my helmet, Scott.  Do not throw up.”  - Dr. Pym

Interesting lines:

·         What did you see in me?”  - bad guy

“I saw myself.” – Michael

“Then why did you push me away?” – Darren Cross (Corey Stoll)

“Because I saw too much of myself.” – Dr. Pym

·         “Gratitude can be forgiveness.” – Darren Cross

  

Tips for Parents:

·         Some profanity, including a made-up one that the audience laughs at.
-    Yep, the kids will be interested in all the merchandising:

   

Avengers: Age of Ultron is a fun addition to the Marvel movie franchise

Movie:   Marvel's The Avengers: Age Of Ultron

PG-13, 2 hours 21 minutes

Grade:  A-

In a Nutshell:   Bring on the summer popcorn blockbuster movies!  Packed full of action, impressive special effects, cool futuristic  technology that no one really understands, romance, and a powerful villain, this Avengers flick is a nice addition to the Marvel movie franchise. Welcome back to some of our favorite superheroes:

Iron Man – Robert Downey Jr.

Captain America – Chris Evans

Thor - Chris Hemsworth

The Hulk – Mark Ruffalo

Black Widow – Scarlett Johansson

Hawkeye – Jeremy Renner

Nick Fury – Samuel L. Jackson

Uplifting Theme:

·          “Ultron thinks we’re monsters, that we’re what’s wrong with the world.  This isn’t just about beating him.  It’s about whether he’s right.” – Captain America

·         Flesh is better than metal.

·         It doesn’t matter what you were, you can be a hero now.

Things I liked:

·         There are plenty of high octane action scenes, but just enough slower ones to build interesting back stories that enhance the human drama of it all.

·         I love seeing how each of the Marvel movies chooses to use Stan Lee in a cameo.  This one is pretty funny.

·         I love Paul Bettany in anything, even if he’s a red robot (the Vision).

·         I wondered if Iron Man’s “Jarvis is my co-pilot” bumper sticker would catch on and sure enough, you can get it on a T-shirt.

                                     

·         I wish I had their 3D computer monitors.

·         You’re probably going to want to watch this on DVD again later so that you can push the pause button and really see everything that’s going on in each frame.  

·         Marvel seems to have learned from the highly successful Guardians of the Galaxy movie that a frequent spattering of humor makes a fun flick even better.

·         Semi-SPOILER ALERT: Who knew one of the Avengers had a wife and kids and did odd jobs around the house? 

·         Ever wonder what a feature film all about Black Widow would be like?  Check out this funny Saturday Night Live clip: 

Fans of Scarlett Johansson will be happy to know that a REAL Black Widow movie IS coming out next year!

Things I didn’t like:

·         I thought it was ironic and funny that Ultron, who was designed to create world peace, has such a menacing voice, thanks to the voice talents of James Spader.

·         It’s annoying how the evil Ultron quotes scripture.

·         If you haven’t seen any of the Avengers movies, don’t start with this one or you’ll be a little lost.  Even more important, you won’t appreciate the greatness of our superpowers, as this film focuses on their character flaws and inner demons.  For a review of the latest Avenger movie, check out my movie review before watching this sequel.

Funny lines:

·         “Unlike you, I don’t have a lot of time for parties…..will Thor be there?” – Dr. Helen Cho (Claudia Kim)

·         “You’re not the director of me.” – Iron Man

·         “You know, I really miss the days when the weirdest thing created by science was me.” – Captain America

·         “Come here to confess your sins? – Ultron

“I don’t know.  How much time you got?” – Iron Man

“More than you.” – Ultron

·         “As the world’s leading author on waiting…don’t.” – Captain America on love

·         “Our job is IF.” – Iron Man

·         “I am Thor, son of Odin.  As long as their life in my breast, I….I’m running out of things to say.” – Thor

·         “At long last is lasting a little long, boys!” – Black Widow

·         “No surrender!  I’m going to surrender…” – Baron Wolfgang von Strucker

·         “He’s fast, she’s weird.” – Maria Hill (Cobie Smulders from the funny hit How I Met Your Mother: Season 5 ) talking about the twins and their special powers

·         “You’re unbearably naiive.” – Ultron

“Well, I was born yesterday.” - Vision

Interesting lines:

·         “Did you know that this church is in the exact center of this city?  The Elders decreed it so that everyone would be equally close to God.  I like that… geometry of belief.”  - Ultron

·         “Everyone creates the thing they dread.  Men of peace create engines of war, invaders create avengers, people create smaller people…uh, children.” - Ultron

·         “You’re not going anywhere!” – Iron Man

“Of course not.  I’m already there.  You’ll catch up.” – Ultron

·         “Every time people try to win a war before it starts, innocent people die.  Every time.” – Captain America

·         Tips for Parents:            

Some profanity, but one of the running gags is how Captain America tries to clean up everyone’s language
The body count is high...well if you count humans AND robots.

Other fun Avenger movies you'll enjoy:

   

Guardians of the Galaxy is the Star Wars sequel you wanted to see

Movie Title:  Guardians of the Galaxy

Grade:  A

PG-13, 2 hours 1 minute

In a Nutshell:  FAN-Friggin-Tastic!  This movie is everything you want a summer popcorn blockbuster to be. 

By now, everyone has heard of Captain America: The First Avenger , Iron Man , and Thor , but not as many people are familiar with the characters in Guardians of the Galaxy , except maybe my cousin who owns a comic book store in Vegas.  I’m “hooked on a feeling”…..that you’ll be a fan now. 

The fun flick is FILLED with action, comedy, special effects, warmth, witty dialogue, and unexpected surprises that will tickle your insides that aren’t filled with popcorn.  There is so much to see in every scene that you’ll immediately want to get back in line at the theater and see it again. 

The audience I sat with cheered, laughed, clapped and remained seated until after the credits rolled….and was rewarded with one last surprise.  (SPOILER ALERT: Brush up on your Howard the Duck trivia.)  Fantastic fun for all ages.

Uplifting themes:  Never give up, believe in yourself, hold fast to good friends, stand up to evil.  

Things I liked:

• Rocket and Groot had the potential to become the Jar-Jar Binks death of this movie, but in fact, they enrich it and even steal the show in many scenes.
• Although the Guardians comic series came out in 1969, this movie feels fresh and modern.  It also feels like the Star Wars sequel movie lovers have been hoping for, complete with awesome air battle scenes, zany creatures, cool toys, and lovable misfits.
• Paying extra for 3D is worth it. 
• Chris Pratt was the perfect leading man, complimented by the acting and voice talents of Zoe Saldana (who goes from blue in the awesome Avatar movie to green in this film), David Bautista, Bradley Cooper, Benicio Del Toro, Glenn Close, and John C. Reilly.   
• Vin Diesel only has one line (“I am Groot”), but provides enough variety in the telling that communication is enhanced.  In fact, Rocket and Groot have a cute “Lassie” (“Timmy fell down the well!”) relationship, enabling Rocket to translate and carry on entire hilarious conversations with that single phrase.  Groot is full of delightful surprises and expressive facial movements.  He was the highlight in the movie for me, personally.  Groot’s got skills!  My husband is built like Groot..all legs, broad but thin, sculpted jaw line, interesting angular head.  Don't tell him I said that.
• Be sure to catch the Stan Lee cameo in the beginning when Peter Quill goes to Zandor.
• 1970’s and 80’s music plays a fun and meaningful part in the movie.  I had one of those Walkman’s like Peter Quill’s, complete with orange foam headphones.  No doubt, the movie soundtrack and character merchandising will be popular items on Ebay and Amazon.
• You’ll see tons of cool gadgets, space ships, and special effects.
• You actually care about the characters and their heart-tugging back stories.
• I liked that the stone-faced soldier bad guys were visually minimalistic, suggesting they were robotic followers without depth.  Am I reading too much into them?
• I loved Drax the Destroyer’s body art.  David Bautista joins the ranks of former WWE champion-turned-successful actor, along with The Rock, who kicked off his own summer blockbuster last weekend in Hercules.  (You can click here to read my movie review of Hercules.)
• The cool space pods that connect to form a glimmering protective net give new meaning to “star”ship.

Things I didn’t like:

• Some of the outfits worn by The Collector’s peeps were just silly.
• I thought Ronan the Accuser’s make-up was messy and not as cool as it could be. 

Funny lines:

• “We’re just like Kevin Bacon.” – Gamora
• “What are you doing?”  - Ronan the Accuser

“I’m distracting you, you turd blossom!”  - Peter Quill/Star-Lord

• “You’ve got the best eyebrows in the business.”  - Peter Quill/Star-Lord
• “I come from a planet of outlaws: Billie the Kid, Bonnie & Clyde, John Stamos…” – Peter Quill/Star-Lord
• “No one’s blowing up moons.”  - Drax the Destroyer

“You suck the joy out of everything.”  - Rocket

• “Dance-off, bro.  Me and you.”  - Peter Quill/Star-Lord
• “I can’t believe I’m taking orders from a hamster.” – Denarian Saal
• “I wasn’t listening.  I was thinking about something else.” – Drax the Destroyer
• “I found something inside myself, incredibly heroic…not to brag.” – Peter Quill/Star-Lord
• “You are a disappointment, Sister.  Out of all our siblings, I hated you least.” – Nebula
• “You’re making me beat up grass!” - Rocket

Tips for parents:   There is some profanity, but it flies past so quickly that you might miss it.  There is a lot of violence (mostly bloodless), and a huge body-count.  The characters are admittedly flawed…in fact, are wanted criminals, as opposed to Marvel’s heroic and squeaky-clean Captain America.  Gamers in your family will get their daily fix.  There is some sexual innuendo that should mostly, hopefully, go over the heads of little ones (as well as some adults), such as a funny mention of a black light and a Jackson Pollock painting…

Let the fun merchandising begin!

Captain America: The Winter Soldier is a superhero movie MARVEL

Movie Title:   Captain America: The Winter Soldier [HD]

Grade:   A-

In a Nutshell:   

A great marvel!  This mile-a-minute action flick is the second installment in the Captain America franchise and a terrific stand-alone story that is compelling and complex.  Sequels are notorious for not being as good, but this gritty one is winning high praises from Marvel fans and newbies alike.  It’s a smart political thriller that makes you feel like you just saw a real movie.  It’s brave enough to tackle serious issues such as national security, government surveillance and the price of freedom.

Marvel is really doing it right, pumping out one fun flick after another.  The Amazing Spider-Man , X-Men: Days of Future Past , and Guardians of the Galaxy, Vol. 1: Cosmic Avengers hit the big screen in just weeks!  It’s a little bit helpful to have seen the first Captain America film, but if not, don’t worry…you’ll catch on quickly.

Uplifting theme:  Wouldn’t it be great if American patriotism were cool again?

Things I liked:

• The Winter Soldier is an interesting villain.
• Three Days of the Condor [HD] star Robert Redford reminds us how cool those 1970s espionage movies were.
• I love clever banter between fun characters.  Scarlett Johansson plays Natasha Romanoff who steals scenes with Rogers (Captain America), played by the impressively buff Chris Evans.  You’ll most likely see a trailer before this movie that features Scarlett Johansson in the upcoming film that looks like it has some good potential: Lucy
• I love Sam Wilson’s evolution into a superhero with the aid of his uber-awesome jet-powered wings.
• The opening scene with Chris Evans in an Under Armour shirt…wow.  My kids gross out whenever I talk about male actors like that, but hey, I’m not dead.
• Scenes where everyone points a gun at everyone else in a stand-off always crack me up.
• I’m glad we get to see the man behind the mask.  The Winter Soldier’s mask gets knocked off fairly early in the film and we learn more about him as the film develops.
• The CGI was great and believable. 
• I thought the slow-motion scene toward the end was great.
• I thought the list of things Captain America made of things he needed to catch up on was pretty cute.  It included Tai food, Disco, Moon landing, and Marvin Gaye.
• I LOVED the finale of How I Met Your Mother: The Complete Series , so I enjoyed seeing Cobie Smulders again.
• I love it when Stan Lee makes his cameo performance.  His big line in this installment of his Marvel character movies is “Oh man!  I am so fired.”  Ha ha
• I loved watching a middle-aged woman in a dress suit kick bad-guy butt.

Things I didn’t like:

• It didn’t have as much humor as The Avengers or Iron Man movies.
• Some people may criticize the movie for being unrealistic.  Well, duh…it’s a superhero movie.

(PHOTO ON LEFT:  One of our pastry students at Le Cordon Bleu Culinary School, where I teach, designed a special sugar structure to celebrate Captain America!  Everything in her design is edible!)

Funny lines:

• Nick Fury says “We’re gonna neutralize a lot of threats before they even happen.”  Captain America replies “I thought the punishment came after the crime.”
• Natasha asks “Hey fellas, either one of you know where the Smithsonian is?   I’m here to pick up a fossil.”  Captain America says “That’s hilarious” as he gets in her car.
• Falcon yells “How do we know the good guys from the bad guys?”  Captain America yells back as they run towards danger “If they’re shooting at you, they’re bad!”
• Natasha asks “You doing anything fun Saturday night?”  Captain America answers “Well, all the guys in my barbershop quartet are dead…so, no, not really.”
• Captain America says “You don’t have to come with me.”  Falcon replies “I know.  When do we start?”
• Falcon says to the Cap “You know you’re a lot heavier than you look.”  Captain America chirps back “I had a big breakfast.”
• A soldier on a plane that Captain America jumps out of says to another soldier “Was he wearing a parachute?”  “No, no he wasn’t.”
• “Secure the engine room.  Then find me a date.”  - Captain America
• “You’re wrong about me.  I do share.  I’m nice like that.” – Agent Nick Fury
• “I do what he does, just slower.”  - Falcon, referring to Captain America.

Did you know?

• The Avengers was almost a rated R movie.   Some of the violence was a bit too much, so the directors had to tone it down and resubmit it.  There is LOT of violence in Captain America: The Winter Soldier [HD] , but they tried hard to not get an R rating so that kids could watch it.  Parents, be prepared for lots of shooting, explosions, and collateral damage.
• Robert Downey Jr. has already convinced us how cool he is, but he took it up another notch when he invited 20 kids to join him at his house to watch Captain America: The Winter Soldier [HD] .  He posted this note on his Facebook page “What better way to spend my birthday than recognizing the cosmic miracle of Captain America 2 opening the same day.”  Nice.
• Agent Nick Fury trades in his eye patch for a set of cool shades.  You even get to see what’s underneath his patch.
• If you’re currently watching the Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. TV show, see this movie first, and then continue watching the TV series.
• Keep watching after the credits roll for a teaser.
• If you liked the Trouble Man song from the movie, check out the entire Marvin Gaye album:

Tips for parents:  Try having a conversation with your kids about which is more important: freedom or security.  I liked the line Captain America said “Soldiers trust each other.  That’s what makes it an Army.”  Have your kids write some letters of encouragement to some soldiers who are willing to give their lives to protect our country and you.