CHIPS movie is a piece of garbage

Movie Title:  CHiPs

Grade:   F

Rating:  R, 101 minutes

In a Nutshell:  I rarely give a movie an F score, but I thought this movie was a true piece of garbage with very little uplifting value worth noting.  It’s a gutter movie. 

If you want to watch this movie through a filter that cleans up the profanity, violence, and scenes with sexual or other offensive material, this would be a 2 minute clip.

You're better off watching the original TV series.  You can start with CHiPs: The Complete Sixth Season 

Uplifting theme: 

• Friendship, persistence, loyalty

Things I liked:

• Michael Pena and Dax Shepard have good chemistry together, but are so much more talented than this film allows them to display.
• Fans of the original CHiPs TV show will get a kick out of the surprise cameo at the end.
• I liked seeing Kristen Bell and Maya Rudolph, although both of them play very minor roles and have extremely short screen time.  Why would they sign on to be in such a disgusting film?  Oh yeah…money.

Things I didn’t like:

• The two main cops are terrible role models.  One is an egotistical, disrespectful sex addict and the other is a slovenly, reckless opiate addict.
• A LOT of crude humor and offensive material.
• Lots of screaming and arguing.
• I’m so sick of yoga pants.  Women and girls don't seem to see how immodest they are.
• It’s not funny.  It’s offensive in so many ways.

Funny lines:

• “I’m kind of powerless when it comes to yoga pants.” – Frank “Ponch” Poncerello (Michael Pena)    
• “Hot and helpful?  See, it doesn’t have to be both.” – Frank “Ponch” Poncherello

Tips for parents: 

• LOTS of profanity and F-bombs.
• A VERY close-up text picture of a topless woman and another of a fully naked woman.
• Talk of homophobia.
• You see a peek of a naked man in front and other men from behind.  LOTS of crotch shots.
• Addictions of various kinds.
• Lots of violence and destruction.
• Trash talk in Spanish, mostly without subtitles.
• Quick glance of a naked man’s rear having sex.
• Adultery
• It's just disgusting.  Don't let your kids watch it.  If they're interested in cop shows, choose something else.

MOVIE REVIEW MOM

@trinaboice 

Collateral Beauty is manipulative and sappy with fortune cookie wisdom, but still got me to cry

Movie Title:  Collateral Beauty

Grade:  B+

Rating: PG-13, 94 minutes

In a Nutshell: I really love two-time Oscar nominee Will Smith and I was so excited to see this film after the trailer practically had me in tears.   SPOILER:  The trailer is a bit deceiving.  The film isn’t quite what you think it’s going to be.

For that and other reasons, a lot of film critics are ripping this emotional drama to shreds, stating that it’s manipulative and overly sappy with fortune cookie wisdom.  Well, I agree that it may be all of those things, but I also think they’re missing an opportunity to reflect inward and learn some of the life lessons this insightful film attempts to teach us.

What would you say if you could talk to Time, Death, and Love?  An even more interesting question is what would they say to you?

Uplifting theme: 

• ‘Just be sure to notice the collateral beauty.  It is the profound connection to everything.” – Madeline (Naomie Harris)
• “What is your why?” – Howard (Will Smith)
• “We’re here to connect.  Life is about people.” – Howard
• “We don’t get to choose who we love and who loves us back.” – Whit (Edward Norton)
• “Tomorrow’s not promised.” – Howard
• “Your children don’t have to come from you; they come through you.” – Time

Things I liked:

• The performances are really great.  I love the entire cast.
• Will Smith digs deep for his performance that only a father in real life could do.  Did you know he has won 4 Grammy Awards?  He has been nominated for 5 Golden Globe Awards and 2 Academy Awards, but he hasn’t won those big boys yet. Surprising, right?  Everyone loves him.  He should have won an Oscar for The Pursuit Of Happyness.  His performance in Concussion was outstanding, but he lost to Leonardo DiCaprio in The Revenant, which I can’t disagree with.  I mean, DiCaprio practically blew himself up, ate a live fish, and got beat to a pulp, for heaven's sake!
• Academy Award winner Helen Mirren is a national treasure.  I adore her. She just looked stunning in those blue feathers. She had some great lines and provided some depth and comic relief.  I love her in everything.

• There is an interesting Domino metaphor.
• It cracked me up that Howard’s friends hired a private investigator who they said looked like a “Mormon grandmother.”  Well, I’m a Mormon and can tell you that not all Mormon grandmothers look like that, but she really did.  Ha ha
• I’ve been to New York City twice before, but never during the Christmas season.  It looks so magical in December.
• Brigitte mentioned the movie Gaslight   Have you seen it?  I haven't either.  I'm going to have to add that one to my list. 
• Madeline tells Howard that 79% of couples divorce after losing a child.  According to a recent study by at Montana State University-Billings, that’s pretty accurate, sadly.
• There’s a twist.  I love twists.  Well actually, it’s more of an unveiling.  Still, it worked for me and drew out the expected tears that director David Frankel had intended.
• If you're looking for a therapeutic film about losing a loved one, adult or child, I highly recommend A Monster Calls, which is also currently in theaters.

Things I didn’t like:

• Would you want such manipulative friends who go to such great lengths to prove that you’re crazy?
• We never really get to see a happy Will Smith with his daughter, so we feel less invested in them than if there had been some happy flashbacks or something.
• Well, yeah…it’s manipulative on every level.  Some people don’t mind that.
• We saw a softer side of Michael Pena as Simon.  His story line seemed extra contrived just so Death could make a point about something (although her point was a good one.)
• This incredibly talented ensemble’s talent was appreciated and enjoy, but mostly under-utilized.

Interesting lines:

• “We long for love, we wish we had more time, we fear death.” = Howard
• “This doesn’t feel right.” – Claire (Kate Winslet)

“I know, but when everything starts with a 6 year old dying, nothing is gonna feel right.” - Simon (Michael Pena)

• “Life is found when you shed your skin…..OR Shed your skin; find your life.” = Amy
• “I’m trying to fix my mind.”  Howard

“You lost a child, Howard.  It’ll never be fixed.” – Madeline

Profound lines about Love:

• “I realize that I wasn’t feeling love.  I was becoming love.” – Whit
• “I am the only why.  Please don’t try to live without me.” – Love
• “I’m the fabric of life.” – Love
• “I was there in her love, but I’m still here in your pain.” - Love
• “I’m love…the very fabric of life.” – Love  
• “Love is the reason for everything.” – Love

Profound lines about Death:

• “Nothing’s ever really dead if you look at it right.” – Brigitte
• “Death is so much more vital than time. Death gives time its value.” – Death
• “You’re dying?” – Death

“Everyone’s dying.” – Simon

• “You lived right, my friend, but you’re not dying right.” –  

Profound lines about Time:

• “I’m abundant.  I’m a gift.” – Time

Funny lines:

• “I have depth.  We’ve discussed this.” – Whit
• “The word you’re looking for is philanderer, not philanthropist.  They have a slightly different meaning.” – Whit
• “I thought you can’t afford therapy anymore.” – Claire

“I can’t.  It’s my Uber driver.” – Whit

Tips for parents: 

• Talk of sex, cancer, death.
• 1 F-bomb and some other profanity.
• Children may be bored with this “talking” movie and certainly won't appreciate any of its profound truths, unless they have been through their own dark challenges.

The Martian is fresh, suspenseful and surprisingly funny

Movie:    The Martian

Rating:    PG-13, 2 hours 14 minutes

Grade:   A

In a Nutshell:    Why are audiences and critics raving about The Martian ?  Because it’s fresh, suspenseful, inspiring, scientifically credible, and surprisingly funny. In fact, the Academy Awards placed it in a category of comedy.  I loved this movie.

Director Ridley Scott takes us on a journey to the vast reaches of outer space and into the smallest corners of the human heart.

Based on the 2011 novel by Andy Weir, the movie includes stunning vistas, filmed on one of the largest sound stages in the world in Hungary.  Some of the scenes of Mars were also filmed in Wadi Rum in Jordan. See it in 3D if you can.

The talented cast includes Matt Damon, Jessica Chastain, Jeff Daniels, Michael Pena, Kate Mara, Sean Bean, Kristen Wiig, Aksel Hennie, and Chiwetel Ejiofor.

Uplifting Theme:

·         The film really focuses on optimism and hope, while astronaut/botanist Mark Watney is stranded on Mars.  Sure, Mark has his dark moments, but he quickly decides in the beginning “I’m not going to die” and that determination is what propels him to withstand the most difficult of situations on a hostile planet.

·         Human ingenuity is truly inspiring.  I know this is fiction, but still…

·         “You just begin.  You solve one problem and then another.” – Mark

Things I liked:

·         NASA actually collaborated with the makers of The Martian , lending an authoritative air to the film, making it almost feel like a documentary.   If you want to learn more about the ARES space project and Ridley Scott’s prologue series, go to www.areslive.com

·      Fun Disco music is one of the running gags throughout the movie.  At one point, Mark is so sick of listening to Disco music that he says “No, I’m not going to turn the beat around.  I won’t do it.”  The movie soundtrack will probably be pretty popular.  What music would YOU take if you were going to leave Earth on a long mission?

·         I loved the comment about the Council of Elrond directed at Sean Bean's character from The Lord Of The Rings: The Fellowship Of The Ring [HD] .

·         Jeff Daniels brings back his arrogant, bossy character from The Newsroom: Season 1 to play the Director of NASA.

·         I like it when directors give the audience a reason to keep watching during the credits at the end of a movie.

·         After many months of movies about superheroes who try to save the world, this refreshing flick is about the world trying to save one man.

·         The movie entertains your brain, as well as your heart, which beats fast during the last 20 minutes as you try to remember to breathe.
  -       Each time a new character is introduced in the movie, the audience sees a label on the screen, indicating the person’s name and position, almost as if these are real people. 

Things I didn’t like:

·         I know Saturday Night Live comedienne Kristin Wiig has done several serious films, but it’s just still hard to take her seriously in a dramatic role.

·         If you got dizzy watching Gravity , there will be a few moments in this movie where you’ll have to close your eyes.

·         Two F-bombs and some other profanity surprised me.  I thought PG-13 movies were only allowed to have 1 F-bomb, but somehow this movie gets away with two, plus a few other “F” moments that are mouthed silently.  In fact, Mark is told by NASA to clean up his language since everyone on Earth can read what he’s saying on his transmissions.  As a result, his language gets worse and makes the audience laugh.

Funny lines:  

·         “Luckily, I’m a botanist.  Mars will come to fear my Botany powers.” – Mark

·         “I am the greatest botanist on this planet.” – Mark

·         “I guess I colonized Mars.  In your face Neil Armstrong.” – Mark

·         “So, yeah.  I blew myself up.” – Mark

·         “I’m going to have to science the “bleep” out of this.” – Mark

·         “I’m going to dip this potato in Vicodin and there’s nobody who can stop me.” – Mark

·         “I get to fly along like Iron Man.” - Mark

Things you learn in this movie about surviving on Mars:

·         Duct tape can fix everything.

·         You can use your own doodee to fertilize a garden.
-     Fire = bad.  Plutonium = good.

·         Science!

Tips for Parents:

·         Parents will like how educational the movie is.  Mark, the “space pirate” shows us how to problem-solve with impressive resourcefulness.

·         Some bloody moments.

·         Audiences see the entire back side of Matt Damon after he gets out of a shower.  He’s the only human on an entire planet, so why use a towel?

Can't get enough of Mars?  Check these out:

   


If you love seeing Matt Damon in an astronaut suit, be sure to check out this mind-boggling movie:

Little Tykes will love Turbo

Turbo is an example of a trailer that didn’t make the movie look as good as it is.  I mean, a movie about a fast garden snail?  Unlike Ryan Reynold’s other movie released this weekend, R.I.P.D., this fun flick is sure to please the whole family.  It has heart and illustrates the feel-good message that all you need is one good friend to believe in you in order to succeed.  No dream is too big and no dreamer is too small.  Sweet.

Voice and acting talent Paul Giamatti plays Chet, Turbo the snail’s best friend and brother, but it’s Tito (Michael Pena) who first believes in Turbo’s dream to race in the Indianapolis 500.  Tito and his brother own a taco shop called “Dos Bros Tacos” when Tito discovers the quick escargot and hopes to create a “tacovolution” that will draw more hungry customers to their little restaurant.

The unmistakable voice of Samuel L. Jackson brings “Whiplash” to life, another fast snail who befriends Turbo and helps him reach his goal.  “Smoove Move” embodies Snoop Dogg’s snail persona, complete with a pair of dice swinging from his slender, snaily neck.

You’ll also hear the voices of other fan favorites such as Michelle Rodriguez (Paz) and Ken Jeong (Kim Ly), who both own shops in the same small strip mall as Dos Bros Tacos.

This is the first project of director and co-writer David Soren, who pleases young audiences with colorful characters, an underdog story, and lots of silliness.  Kids aren’t too hard to please, after all.  Adults will be amused, however, by a few clever lines and gags.  Watch for the funny mean kid on the Big Wheel, the mustache made out of grass, Taco Man and his sidekick “Churro”, “Snail up!”, “Snailed it”, and the label on a hot sauce bottle that says “Product causes death.”

It’s amazing how a good animation team can create such detailed facial expressions on slimy insects, but they succeed.   It’s not worth the extra money to pay to see it in 3D.   The language is clean, although there are a few risqué jokes that should fly over most little one’s head.  “Your trash talk is needlessly complicated” is a funny line geared towards adults, but still evokes a laugh out of kids for reasons they don’t even understand.

Suspend your disbelief and enjoy the fast ride with your kids and a bucket of popcorn.  Not in to insects?  Go see Monsters University instead.

Grade = B