A Bad Moms Christmas is just bad

Movie Title:  
A Bad Moms Christmas [Blu-ray]

Grade: F

Rating: R, 1 hour 44 minutes of torture

In a Nutshell:  It’s bad. There are moms.  And it’s Christmas.

I’m a mom, but CLEARLY I’m not the target audience for this trashy attempt at a comedy.

“Christmas is, by far, the most stressful time of year for moms,” explains Mila Kunis’ character.  Yep.  While that’s very true, that’s no excuse for the horrible behavior these irresponsible, obnoxious, rude moms engage in.  Yes, extreme absurdity has long been a formula for comedy, but 80% of the jokes in this sequel are super raunchy, and the other 10% are simply not funny.

There’s no talk about the true meaning of Christmas.  None of the women in this film seem to even know anything about Christ or what kind of behavior He expects from His followers.

 

Uplifting theme: 

• Mother/Daughter relationships
• Family is most important.

Things I liked:

• Kenny G! 
• Christine Baranski is such a critical, evil mother.  She’s great in all of her movies and even sings a little in this one.
• Surprise cameo

Things I didn’t like:

• The writing is terrible. None of the characters are capable of uttering a sentence without some kind of profanity in it.
• Lots of fighting.  Why is that funny?
• Kristen Bell is so talented.  Why would she ever want to be in such an awful movie?  Oh yeah….money.
• Kathryn Hahn’s character is so foul.  Her role was the stand-out in the first Bad Moms movie, so they really went over-the-top with her in this one.
• Everyone is so critical of everyone else.
• I hate listening to kids scream and cry in movies.
• Lots of slow-motion musical montages.
• These moms sure have a lot of spare time to hang out with each other and get drunk a lot.
• Instead of the “feel good” song at the end, a dirty Santa does a strip tease in front of the entire family.
• Mila Kunis manages to push out a tear in what is supposed to be the big emotional scene of the movie, but the dialogue was uninspired and droll.

Interesting Lines:

• “It’s like a giant stress ball from Christmas to New Years.” – Amy (Mila Kunis)
• “Trust me.   Some day she will thank me in an inspirational speech in some large, public venue.” – Amy's mother (Christine Baranski)   I laughed out loud at that line, because I think every mother secretly has the same wish. 

Tips for parents: 

• About 45,362 F-bombs.  Even an adorable little girl uses it. Other profanity and extremely crude language. 
• LOTS and LOTS of talk of sex, as well as imitating sex with clothes on.
• Moms smoke marijuana.
• Women kissing women.
• The moms commit various crimes.
• A bunch of Santa Clauses strip on a stage.
• Nude man on a waxing table (private parts hidden). 

MOVIE REVIEW MOM

@trinaboice 

Jupiter Ascending is visually impressive with a messy script

Movie: Jupiter Ascending

PG-13, 2 hours 5 minutes

Grade: A- for visually amazing

              C- for story and dialogue

In a Nutshell:  Wow.  Talk about sensory overload.  The special effects are amaze balls. I went with some friends to see this in 3D at a Galaxy DFX theater which enhances the sound and offers those awesome reclining chairs.  One of the ladies I sat with said she had to close her eyes several times because she couldn’t take it all in.  I wonder if you get a free vomit bag with your ticket when you watch this in those Dbox motion chairs.

This fantasy adventure feels like a visit to the cantina scene in Star Wars with crazy aliens coming together to fight over power and the ownership of planet Earth.  One of the scenes looks like it actually could have been filmed on Star Wars’ Naboo. The script is messy, but the costumes, set design, make-up, and CGI are extremely creative and impressive, surely eating up most of the reported 175 million dollar budget.  The Wachowski brothers (one of them is now female) brought us the epic The Matrix magic, but have now created a story that mere earthlings can’t quite comprehend.  Even still, it’s an entertaining ride if you don’t mind the odd moments.

Uplifting Theme:

·         “It’s not what you do.  It’s what you are.” – Stinger Apini (Sean Bean)

·         What would you do with your time if you had an endless amount of it? What price would you be willing to pay to get more time?

·         There is an awkward exploration of capitalism, greed, and morality.

Things I liked:

·         If you like action, this movie includes the non-stop variety.

·         I LOVE LOVE the hover boots that make Channing Tatum look like he’s ice skating through air.  I hope I can buy a pair on Amazon soon.

·         Beautiful aerial views of Chicago.

·         There is a somewhat humorous attempt at explaining crop circles and dinosaurs.  I always wanted to know the scoop on those two things.  Now I know.

·         I loved the see-through floor on Balem Abrasax’s space ship.

·         I didn’t know Tuppence Middleton was so pretty when I first saw her in The Imitation Game.  Her character as Kalique Abrasax in Jupiter Ascending looked obviously fake in the beginning, so I was glad when we got to see her true beauty later on. 

·         There was so much to see that I would like to study some of the images frame by frame.

·         The gay robotic bureaucrat scene was odd, disturbing and funny at the same time.

Things I didn’t like:

·         Mila Kunis plays Jupiter Jones who falls in love with Caine in less than 30 seconds.  It’s embarrassing how quickly she throws herself at him.  Caine, by the way, is played by a blonde Channing Tatum.  He goes shirtless for a longer than necessary and the blonde scruff makes you wince just a little bit.  Two good-looking people should create sparks, but their romantic dialogue falls flat.

·         One of the guys I watched the movie with noted that the musical score by Michael Giacchino was too overpowering.  That could have been because we were in a sound-enhanced screening, so it’s hard to know if others will experience the same effect.

·         There were some attempts at humor, but not nearly enough successful ones.  Want to see a sci-fi fantasy flick that will make you laugh out loud a LOT?   Guardians of the Galaxy!

·         Mila Kunis’emotional range as Jupiter Jones is pretty small in this movie. Even after her entire world is shaken, all she can muster is a “Holy Crap.”  Years ago I took a jungle tour of St. Thomas in the Virgin Islands.  The tour guide’s name was Jupiter.  He explained to us that it was because he was so “far out.”

·         I adored Eddie Redmayne in The Theory of Everything and hope he wins an Oscar to go with his Golden Globe for it, but his performance in this film was odd and vacillates between monotone whispers and screaming, with nothing in between.

·         The elephant man alien appears out of place in what should be serious dramatic moments.

·         SPOILER ALERT: There is an icky Soylent Green moment.

·         Why were there so many bald women in this movie?

·         There is so much going on in the action sequences that it’s often hard to figure out exactly what’s going on.

Interesting lines:

·         “Technically speaking, I’m an alien, and from an immigration perspective, I’m an illegal one.” – Jupiter

·         “Off the record, I will tell you that you are a man of rare courage and I pray that your aim is true.” – Diomika Tsing (Nikki Amuka-Bird)

Lines that make you sneer:

·         “Men do not like smart women.” – Jupiter’s uncle

·         “My mom says true love is just a fairy tale for little girls.” – Jupiter

·         “I will never complain about the DMV again.” – Jupiter

·         “I am not your mother.” – Jupiter

“No, my mother never cleaned a toilet in her life.” – Balem Abrasax

Tips for Parents:

·         Some profanity, but no F-bombs.

·         You see the naked backside of a female and male in two different scenes, as well as a girl in her tiny underwear.  (She has amazing abs.)

·         There is a short orgy scene, but you don’t see details, other than faces.

·         There are sexual innuendos, lots of violence (some bloody), and evil motives.

The new Annie is just ok for a Redbox slumber party

Movie:  Annie

 PG, 1 hour 58 minutes

Grade: B

In a Nutshell:   In the midst of the current Sony hacking drama, the studio released a family-friendly film that is loosely based on the original comic strip by Harold Graycorny, as well as the 1982 movie.  It’s a modern take that is somewhat cheesy, and sometimes charming.   Selfies, cell phones, Social Media, and high-tech gadgets speak to a younger generation who is discovering Annie’s uplifting tale for the first time.  (I’ll bet you didn’t know there was a cell tower in the Statue of Liberty, eh?) 

This modern “Harlem” version of Annie includes some new songs, but don’t expect the big production numbers you saw in the original movie.  It’s not as magical as I wanted it to be, but it’s certainly  Redbox-worthy for a girls’ slumber party.

Uplifting Theme:

·         The sun will come out…tomorrow.  Duh.

·         “No matter who you are or what you are, you’ve got to work with what you’ve got.” – Will Stacks

·         “Sometimes what you’re looking for is right in front of you.” – Will Stacks

Things I liked:

·         Jamie Foxx (Will Stacks) is the highlight of the movie and the best singer by far.

·         Miss Hannigan is always playing good dance music in her apartment.  The soundtrack to the movie should be popular with young girls.  They might even turn off Frozen for a few minutes.

·         I loved Will Stacks’ “Smart House” apartment with the awesome, digital, changing wall designs and dancing fountains, not to mention the incredible view of New York City. 

·         New York City stars in the movie. The cast spends quite a bit of time flying around in a helicopter, giving you plenty of beautiful aerial views of the Big Apple.  We took the fam there a couple of years ago and had a great time.  What an incredible city.

Things I didn’t like:          

·         Quvenzhane Wallis (Annie ) is charming at times, but doesn’t have the million dollar voice that Broadway Annies are known for.  She should dazzle when compared to the other orphans surrounding her, but she often looks like she’s acting, and sometimes even has a vacant stare.

·         Bad transitions and editing pull energy out of scenes.

·         The moment Annie meets her parents should be more powerful since the story leads up to it, but it seemed pretty bland and dismissed quickly.

·         While I really like Cameron Diaz, I’m sad to say she can’t sing.  (I can’t either.) During her big moments, the music played louder than her voice and I wondered if it was intentional to cover up the lack of talent.  It’s not very believable to cast a beautiful young woman as the curmudgeonly foster care mother to begin with.  Strange choice.

·         While the movie is a fresh take on the original, the dance moves and music feel like the movie was made a decade ago.

Fun cameo celebrity moments:

·         Michael J. Fox      Will Stacks says “Michael J. Fox is a saint. “   Guy (Bobby Cannavale) then says “I hear there’s a tape…”

·         Rhianna

·         Mila Kunis

·         Where was Emma Thompson?  She helped write the script!

·         Where were Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith?  They helped produce this Broadway classic, along with Shawn “Jay Z” Carter, Laurence “Jay” Brown, and Tyran “Ty Ty” Smith.

Funny lines:

·         “I’m ten.  I’m not an idiot.” – Annie

·         “I haven’t been to Disneyland, but I don’t think they have a paperwork ride.” - Annie

·         “Wanna go out tonight?  I got my dance pants on.”  -  Lou (David Zayas)

·         “He has nice hair.” – Grace

“I wouldn’t bank on the hair, sista.” - Annie

·         “Don’t pick that one – it’s licking it’s own hoohah.” – Will Stacks while letting Annie choose a pet dog

Interesting lines:

·         “I think when people say no, they’re really afraid of saying yes.” – Annie

·         “People shouldn’t be scared of governments.  They should be scared of cell phone companies.” –  Adewale   (Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje)

Tips for Parents:

·         Some “light” foul language.

·         Sexual innuendos, including a hooker joke.  In a kid movie? Really?

·         Four barfing scenes…count them.

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