Movie: Jupiter Ascending
PG-13, 2 hours 5 minutes
Grade: A- for
visually amazing
C- for
story and dialogue
In a Nutshell: Wow.
Talk about sensory overload. The
special effects are amaze balls. I went with some friends to see this in 3D at
a Galaxy DFX theater which enhances the sound and offers those awesome
reclining chairs. One of the ladies I
sat with said she had to close her eyes several times because she couldn’t take
it all in. I wonder if you get a free
vomit bag with your ticket when you watch this in those Dbox motion chairs.
This fantasy adventure feels like a visit to the cantina
scene in Star Wars with crazy aliens coming together to fight over power and
the ownership of planet Earth. One of
the scenes looks like it actually could have been filmed on Star Wars’ Naboo. The
script is messy, but the costumes, set design, make-up, and CGI are extremely
creative and impressive, surely eating up most of the reported 175 million
dollar budget. The Wachowski brothers (one
of them is now female) brought us the epic The Matrix
magic, but have now created a
story that mere earthlings can’t quite comprehend. Even still, it’s an entertaining ride if you
don’t mind the odd moments.
Uplifting Theme:
·
“It’s not what you do. It’s what you are.” – Stinger Apini (Sean
Bean)
·
What would you do with your time if you had an
endless amount of it? What price would you be willing to pay to get more time?
·
There is an awkward exploration of capitalism,
greed, and morality.
Things I liked:
·
If you like action, this movie includes the
non-stop variety.
·
I LOVE LOVE the hover boots that make Channing
Tatum look like he’s ice skating through air.
I hope I can buy a pair on Amazon soon.
·
Beautiful aerial views of Chicago.
·
There is a somewhat humorous attempt at explaining
crop circles and dinosaurs. I always
wanted to know the scoop on those two things.
Now I know.
·
I loved the see-through floor on Balem Abrasax’s
space ship.
·
I didn’t know Tuppence Middleton was so pretty
when I first saw her in The Imitation Game.
Her character as Kalique Abrasax in Jupiter Ascending
looked obviously fake
in the beginning, so I was glad when we got to see her true beauty later
on.
·
There was so much to see that I would like to
study some of the images frame by frame.
·
The gay robotic bureaucrat scene was odd,
disturbing and funny at the same time.
Things I didn’t like:
·
Mila Kunis plays Jupiter Jones who falls in love
with Caine in less than 30 seconds. It’s
embarrassing how quickly she throws herself at him. Caine, by the way, is played by a blonde
Channing Tatum. He goes shirtless for a
longer than necessary and the blonde scruff makes you wince just a little bit. Two good-looking people should create sparks,
but their romantic dialogue falls flat.
·
One of the guys I watched the movie with noted
that the musical score by Michael Giacchino was too overpowering. That could have been because we were in a
sound-enhanced screening, so it’s hard to know if others will experience the
same effect.
·
There were some attempts at humor, but not
nearly enough successful ones. Want to
see a sci-fi fantasy flick that will make you laugh out loud a LOT? Guardians of the Galaxy!
·
Mila Kunis’emotional range as Jupiter Jones is
pretty small in this movie. Even after her entire world is shaken, all she can
muster is a “Holy Crap.” Years ago I
took a jungle tour of St. Thomas in the Virgin Islands. The tour guide’s name was Jupiter. He explained to us that it was because he was
so “far out.”
·
I adored Eddie Redmayne in The Theory of Everything and hope he wins an Oscar to go with his Golden Globe for it, but his performance in this film
was odd and vacillates between monotone whispers and screaming, with nothing in
between.
·
The elephant man alien appears out of place in what
should be serious dramatic moments.
·
Why were there so many bald women in this movie?
·
There is so much going on in the action
sequences that it’s often hard to figure out exactly what’s going on.
Interesting lines:
·
“Technically speaking, I’m an alien, and from an
immigration perspective, I’m an illegal one.” – Jupiter
·
“Off the record, I will tell you that you are a
man of rare courage and I pray that your aim is true.” – Diomika Tsing (Nikki
Amuka-Bird)
Lines that make you
sneer:
·
“Men
do not like smart women.” – Jupiter’s uncle
·
“My mom says true love is just a fairy tale for
little girls.” – Jupiter
·
“I will never complain about the DMV again.” –
Jupiter
·
“I am not your mother.” – Jupiter
“No, my mother never cleaned a toilet in her
life.” – Balem Abrasax
Tips for Parents:
·
Some profanity, but no F-bombs.
·
You see the naked backside of a female and male
in two different scenes, as well as a girl in her tiny underwear. (She has amazing abs.)
·
There is a short orgy scene, but you don’t see
details, other than faces.
·
There are sexual innuendos, lots of violence
(some bloody), and evil motives.
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