Thursday, May 22, 2014

Vampire Academy now on DVD for those suffering Twilight withdrawals

The newest DVD to hit store shelves this week is:

Movie Title:   Vampire Academy

PG-13, 1 hour 45 minutes

Grade:   C-

In a Nutshell:   Juno meets Harry Potter meets Twilight meets Mean Girls meets terrible movie.  It could have been fun if it were designed to be a spoof.  Alas, brothers Daniel and Mark Waters have created crass characters with lots of hormones and little class.  It could be considered a guilty pleasure if you’re a teenager girl who has read the book and can’t get enough of vampire flicks.

Uplifting theme:   In the words of (NO spoiler alert): “Blood is what connects us all.  Blood is sustenance.  Blood is family.  Blood is pain and blood is death.” 

Things I liked:

  • Ummm…

 Things I didn’t like:

  • Snarky dialogue that tried too hard to be cool.
  • Monologuing villains
  • The ending leaves an opening for a sequel.  Please, no!

 Funny lines:

  • “Stopping is for losers.”  -  Rose
  • “A female, especially one who lives off of blood and magic, is going to have her mood swings.”  - Rose
  • “They say Dimitri is a God.  Well, I’m an Atheist…an atheist with a big gun.” = Spiridion
  • “Please don’t say Vampire Academy.  You know how I feel about the V word.” – Lissa Dragomire
  • “Weird doesn’t begin to cover it.” – Rose
  • “Stop staring at each other all gooey-like.”  - Rose
  • “There’s a fine line between concerned and stalker.” - Rose

Tips for parents:   Lots of sassy words on the verge of profanity, inappropriate topics for young kids, pre-marital relations, talk of losing virginity, blood, violence.  Maybe the books are better?
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