Gods of Egypt tries a little too hard

Movie Title:  Gods of Egypt

Grade:  C

Rating:  PG-13, 2 hours 7 minutes

In a Nutshell:    Before my 15 year old son even saw this film, he determined “It’s just a special effects movie.”  Indeed.  It’s not a bad movie; it’s just not a great one.

Considering its huge CGI budget and ambition, the audience I sat with hardly reacted to anything.  The film tries almost too hard and audiences have been responding with a shrug and a “meh”.

Don’t get me wrong.  It’s filled with action and a few entertaining moments that made me laugh.  It reminded me a little bit of the campy style of The Scorpion King

It’s generally family-friendly as you watch Gerard Butler (Set) battle Nikolaj Coster-Waldau (Horus) in an epic struggle for power over Egypt. 

 Uplifting theme: 

• “I don’t know if I’m strong enough.” – Horus

“Then become stronger.” -   Ra

• Osiris, the king (Bryan Brown), holds up two items and explains , “A token from someone with much and someone with little, but when both die and stand at the final gate, what is their value then?  They are symbols of a life well lived.  I say they are equal.  All are welcome in the afterlife.”
• “Never doubt any man who is fighting for the one thing as powerful as a god: love.” – narrator, Bek (Brenton Thwaites)
• The existence and the entrance to the after-life has been debated for thousands of years.  Horus announces, "From this moment on, the after-life must be earned, not by gold, but by good deeds, compassion, and generosity.  What we do, how we act in this life matters."

Things I liked:

• The music really gets you in the mood for a mystical Egyptian journey.
• Some of the CGI is very cool, while other parts are super cheesy.
• I liked the symbolism of the horn that Set gave Horus at the coronation.  It is an ancient symbol of power, the very thing that Set wanted.
• I love watching Geoffrey Rush in anything.  He plays the legendary Ra.
• I love the cool wings on some of the women.
• Rufus Sewell always does a great job as a bad guy. I first took notice of him in A Knight’s Tale. 
• The narrator at the beginning of the movie (an older, wiser Bek, played by Brenton Thwaites) explains that the gods have gold running through their veins, rather than gold, which you get to see several times.  Cool.
• In the style of The Lord Of The Rings: The Fellowship Of The Ring , the film mixes scale by showing very tall gods next to small mortals.
• I have a hard time rooting for a protagonist who is a thief or another who is selfish and lazy.  I want my heroes to be good and honorable.  Both gods and mortals are featured with all of their flaws in this film, yet they also have redeeming qualities.  There is some growth in the protagonists and love conquers all.
• This could make a good video game.  It almost feels like one already.
• Beautiful shots from above cities.

Things I didn’t like:

• There are a lot of jokes that simply fall flat.
• I thought it was cool how the gods transformed from their human form into their true god shape.
• There were some lame “Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon” suspended fake moves.
• The clothes look like costumes.  The sets look like sets.  The acting feels like acting.  You know you’re watching a movie, rather than disappearing into another world as you watch it.
• The pacing is terrible.
• Absolutely no Egyptian actors were used in the film.  None.  Zero. Ziltch.
• You can tell the movie thinks it's better than it is.

Funny lines:

•  “Your chance of failure is overwhelming.” – Thoth (Chadwick Boseman)
• “If I attempted to explain, your brain would liquefy and explode.” – Thoth

Interesting lines:

•  “Are you sure you’re not a God?” - Horus

“What would I be a god of? Stupidity?” – Bek

“The Impossible.” - Horus

• “Have you gotten so lazy that you’ve forgotten that every god’s life is a journey?” - Ra

Tips for parents:   

• Lots and lots of fighting.
• Lots and lots of beautiful women falling out of their clothes.
• Some profanity.
• Several scenes in bed, but you only see kissing.
• The final messages of the movie are good one for kids: honor, love, kindness, duty, friendship.

2016 Academy Award Winners

Hollywood's biggest night presented the following list of Oscar winners at the 88th Academy Awards:

• Best Picture – Spotlight

• Best Actress – Brie Larson, Room

• Best Actor – Leonardo DiCaprio, The Revenant

• Directing  – Alejandro G. Iñárritu, The Revenant

• Best Supporting Actress – Alicia Vikander, The Danish Girl

• Best Supporting Actor – Mark Rylance, Bridge of Spies

• Animated Feature Film – Inside Out

• Documentary Feature – Amy

• Foreign Language Film – Son of Saul, Hungary

• Adapted Screenplay – Charles Randolph and Adam McKay, The Big Short

• Original Screenplay – Josh Singer and Tom McCarthy, Spotlight

• Original Score – Ennio Morricone, The Hateful Eight

• Original Song – “The Writing’s on the Wall” by Sam Smith

• Film Editing – Mad Max: Fury Road

• Production Design – Mad Max: Fury Road

• Sound Editing – Mad Max: Fury Road

• Sound Mixing – Mad Max: Fury Road

• Visual Effects – Ex Machina

• Cinematography – Emmanuel Lubezki, The Revenant

• Costume Design – Mad Max: Fury Road

• Makeup and Hairstyling – Mad Max: Fury Road

• Animated Short Film – Bear Story

• Live Action Short Film – Stutterer

• Documentary Short Subject – A Girl in the River: The Price of Forgiveness

Want to get free movie tickets BEFORE a movie comes out?

Have you ever wanted to be the first to see a movie, long before your friends or people at the office start talking about it?

Now is your chance!

You can sign up to get FREE movie tickets before opening night at:
www.PreviewFreeMovies.com 

If you live in the USA, there is a movie that's being previewed this week called "Hell or High Water". To get free tickets, go to that web site and use the promo code:  BRN287  with the ID number: J-59.   Follow the instructions on the web site.

ENJOY!

Hail Caesar! pokes good fun at old Hollywood

Movie Title:       Hail, Caesar! 

Grade:   B+

Rating:   PG-13, 1 hour 45 minutes

In a Nutshell:    Four-time Oscar winning brothers Joel and Ethan Coen have created an extremely entertaining  comedy that pokes fun at Hollywood’s Golden Age, featuring a gigantic cast of today’s A-listers, including George Clooney, Channing Tatum, Scarlett Johansson, Ralph Fiennes, Josh Brolin, Jonah Hill, Frances McDormand, Tilda Swinton, and so many more.

Uplifting theme: 

• “People don’t want the facts.  They want to believe.” – Eddie Mannix
• “God wants us to do what’s right.  The inner voice that tells us what’s right comes from God.” – priest in confessional

Things I liked:

• I liked the way the narrator told the story about telling stories.  The Lockheed recruiter tells Eddie Mannix, “The picture business is pretty silly” and yet we still love movies. They move us, inspire us, make us laugh, make us cry, make us feel!
• The film is filled with super funny sound effects, including a bird sound every time someone said the line “On wings of eagles.”  It reminded me of the running gag on “Young Frankenstein”.   A lot of the humor reminded me of the old Mel Brooks comedies.
• Funny cowboy stunt scene.  Alden Ehrenreich does a great job as Hobie Doyle.
• There’s a great dance scene with Channing Tatum in the “Swingin’ Dinghy” bar that will remind you of the fun singing and dancing films featuring legendary Gene Kelly.
• There is an amusing scene where Ralph Fiennes plays an eloquent director who uses words that simpleton Hobie Doyle (and probably some people in the audience) don’t know.  You’ll be ahead of the game when you already know these words: “mirthless” (without laughter), “rueful” (sorrow, pity) , “trippingly” (light and quick)
• “Divine presence to be shot.”   Ha ha
• Wayne knight from Seinfeld: The Complete Series has a bit part.  It was good to see him again, and funny to see him as a movie Extra.
• I thought it was interesting that the main film they were filming during the movie was the story of Christ from the perspective of a Roman soldier, which is exactly what the movie Risen is about, which is also currently in movie theaters.
• The talented Tilda Swinton plays twins.  I’m happy to get as many doses of Tilda as we can get.
• I have always adored Christopher Lambert ever since Mortal Kombat and Highlander: The Movie .  Here he has a tiny part as a German director.  It’s been awhile since I’ve seen him too.  Look close or you’ll miss him.
• My husband and I watched every episode of Numb3rs: The Complete Series , so it was fun to see David Krumholtz, who plays a Communist writer.  The Communist “club” scenes were funny and filled with familiar faces.
• Religious characters in movies are usually made fun of, but not in this one. Josh Brolin’s character is sincere, religious, talented, yet flawed in an endearing way.
• I thought George Clooney’s speech at the cross was both sweet and funny at just the right moment.
• It looked like they filmed on the actual Universal Studios lot.  I was just there a few months ago!  It’s such a fun theme park.   

Things I didn’t like:

• One shot allows you to see right up George Clooney’s nose, hairs and all.   
• Anyone over 50 should be able to remember some of the original stars and movies that are being alluded to in this film.  Those younger may not appreciate all of the inside jokes.
• Some gags go on for a little too long.

Funny lines:

•  “I need some petty cash.  Do you have $100,000?” - Mannix
• “You worship a God who doesn’t love anyone.” – Protestant Clergyman (Allan Havey)

“Not true.  He loves Jews.” – Rabbi (Robert Picardo)

Interesting lines:

• “Same thing…history and economics, isn’t it?” – Head Communist Writer (Max Baker)
• “The picture has worth and you have worth as long as you serve the picture.” – Mannix

Tips for parents:   

• Some “real” profanity, as well as harmless words like “Nuts!”
• Young kids may not get some of the humor or pop culture references.
• Some subtle sexual innuendo, but young kids will probably not catch it.

Brooklyn features talented Saoirse Ronan

Movie Title:      Brooklyn

Grade:   B+

Rating:   PG-13, 1 hour 51 minutes

In a Nutshell:    Irish actress Saoirse Ronan shines in this period piece about Irish immigrants coming to America in the 1950’s.  It’s a character study about self-discovery that flows slowly and smoothly.

Some critics were hoping she would be nominated for an Oscar for best actress, and she made the list (she didn't win). Not only that, but the film was also nominated for Best Picture, although it didn't win either.

Uplifting theme: 

•  The film asks the questions of all us:  Who am I?  Where do I belong? What should I do with my life?
• “Home sickness is like most sicknesses.  It will pass.” – Father Flood (Jim Broadbent)

Things I liked:

• I loved it when that guy sang an old Irish song in the food hall on Thanksgiving.  Have you discovered Peter Hollens on YouTube?  He sings a fantastic Irish song that I really love: “The Parting Glass”, which has been featured in the video game Assassin’s Creed 4. 
• I’ve always liked Domhnall Gleeson.  I loved him in About Time .   Too bad he doesn’t show up until the end of the movie.
• Julie Walters plays Mrs. Kehoe so well that you can almost taste her boarding house cooking.
• I loved visiting Ireland.  One of the things on my Bucket List is to not just go to Ireland, but to sing with drunk locals at pub in Ireland.  No, I don’t drink, but I think it would be fun to feel like an Irish girl where the locals hang out.
• I appreciated the respectful nod to all of the Irish immigrants who helped build the bridges, buildings, and traditions of Brooklyn: Then and Now® .

Things I didn’t like:

• The Irish director, John Crowley, introduces small conflicts throughout the film, but the big one doesn’t arrive until almost the end of the movie.  I thought it was resolved too quickly; I would have liked to see it explored in more depth.
• It’s very slow-moving.
• Tony’s character is, sadly, quite unmemorable.  He’s a nice guy, but his little brother is more interesting than he is.  There isn't a lot of chemistry in their romance.

Funny lines:

•  “Why didn’t you wear your blue dress?” – best friend

“Are you asking why I didn’t make more of an effort?” – Eilis Lacey

Tips for parents:   

• 2 F-bombs.  Usually a movie is rated R after the first F-bomb, so I don’t know why the film still has a PG-13 rating. 
• There’s an uncomfortable pre-marital sex scene with clothes on (mostly).

The Choice is formulaic and lazy writing

Movie Title:       The Choice

Grade:   C-

Rating:   PG-13, 1 hour 49 minutes

In a Nutshell:    My husband says that the definition of a Chick Flick is when two good-looking guys fall all over themselves for one spoiled girl.  If that’s true, then this is definitely a Chick Flick, although not a very good one.

One of the obvious choices in this formulaic movie isn’t just which guy to choose, but there are several others.  

Uplifting theme: 

• “Life just keeps unfolding.  If you sit still, it’ll pass you by altogether.” – Gabby (Teresa Palmer)
• “Life is held together by choices – all sizes.” – Gabby
• “Opportunity is missed by most people, because it’s dressed up in overalls and looks a lot like work.” – Thomas Edison, as quoted by Shep (Tom Wilkinson)
• “Every path you take leads to another choice.” – Travis (Benjamin Walker)

Things I liked:

• Most of the movie takes place lakeside with beautiful views.
• Cute puppies!
• Teresa Palmer looks like the All-American girl next door.
• Nicholas Sparks tries to add depth to his romantic stories.  His most recent tale-turned-Chick-Flick was “The Longest Ride.”  You can see my movie review of that film here.  That film did it much better than this one.
• If you’re thinking about cheating on your boyfriend, you’ll see what a two-timer feels like.
• There’s a funny proposal scene.

Things I didn’t like:

• Everything about this movie is clichéd, even the clothing.  For example, he wears a tank top to show off his muscles and she wears a white t-shirt in the rain.
• A lot of movie critics are begging Nicholas Sparks to stop writing such cheesy love stories that then get turned into sappy movies.
• Benjamin Walker drinks bottles of beer in a weird way.  I know that seems nit-picky, but it bugged me.
• They try to have clever chit-chat, but it comes out forced and predictable.  The actors look like they’re acting.
• SPOILER ALERT:  A happy ending is an easy out.  The harder ending would have been to write something more interesting.
• Both Travis and Gabby are too cocky for my taste.  They fight and bicker from the very first moment they meet, which is a clichéd, although not appealing, form of flirtation.
• What kind of character does a girl have who jumps in bed with another guy when her boyfriend has only been gone a few days on a business trip?  Does true love excuse lack of integrity or morality? Um...nope.

Funny lines:

•  “What are you doing?” – Gabby

“Walking towards you real slow.” – Travis

“Why?” - Gabby

“Cause if I ran, I’d scare you.”  - Travis

• “Mama, he’s a walking cautionary tale.” - Gabby

Interesting lines:

• “Has anyone ever said no to you?” – Gabby

“No.” – Travis

“Then, I’m making history.” - Gabby

• “Your friends, family…that’s all you can count on in this world.  That’s what I believe.” – Travis
• “I kind of fell into the Bible.  He wanted to burn it.” – Shep
• “If you see a man sleeping on the cold floor, there’s sure to be a pretty woman nearby.” – Shep
• “There’s no shame in being a broken man.  I should know. You just pick up the pieces and start rebuilding.” – Shep
• “That’s all any woman wants…a man who’s going to fight.”   (for her)  - Monica (Alexandra Daddario)

Tips for parents:   

• Girls falling out of their bikini tops.
• One girl flips the bird.
• Some profanity.
• Two people jump in bed together on their very first date.
• Take the opportunity to talk to your family about “Do Not Resuscitate” orders.  

Zoolander 2 has more cameos than humor

Movie Title:      Zoolander No.2

Grade:   C+

Rating:   PG-13, 1 hour 40 minutes

In a Nutshell:    Blue steel is back!  If you loved the first Zoolander movie, like I did, you’ll generally get a kick out of this sequel.  If you didn’t enjoy it, then you’ll want to pass on this one, because it’s more of the same goofy nonsense.

Filled with TONS of celebrity cameos and a very thin plot, this ridiculous satire of the fashion industry and pop culture features Ben Stiller, Owen Wilson, Will Ferrell, Penelope Cruz, Kristen Wiig and Fred Armisen.

Uplifting theme: 

• “How can you expect to love 11 people when you don’t even love yourself?” – Kiefer Sutherland (playing himself)
• What’s inside you is more important than what’s outside.
• Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.

Things I liked:

• The film includes special appearances of some of the icons in the fashion industry: Tommy Hilfiger, Vera Wang, Valentino, Alexander Wang, Anna Wintour, and Mark Jacobs.
• Benedict Cumberbatch!
• You get a little history lesson in the beginning to fill you in on what has happened since the first Zoolander movie came out.  Has it really been 15 years?
• Other celebrity cameos include: Billy Zane, Ariana Grande, Kiefer Sutherland, Willie Nelson, Katie Perry, Sting, Neil DeGrasse Tyson, Susan Boyle, Madonna, Usher, Lenny Kravitz, John Malkovich, M.C. Hammer, Olivia Munn, and many more.  Susan Sarandon appears and quotes a line she said in the movie The Rocky Horror Picture Show .
• #oops!
• Penelope Cruz works for Interpol in the Fashion Division.  Ha ha
• There isn’t a surprise at the end of the credits, but you can watch Mugatu dance as they roll.
• I liked what they did with Fred Armisen’s character.
• The beginning of the movie with Justin Bieber was pretty funny.
• A lot of the movie is filmed in Rome!  I love Rome!  Here are some pictures I took there during my last visit there a couple of years ago.

Things I didn’t like:

• Kristen Wiig’s character is so repulsive and hard to understand that there is very little humor on the screen when she appears.  I do, however, think it’s funny that she “floats”, rather than walks.
• Some of the fashion gags get a little tired.
• I actually laughed out loud several times, but most of the humor is really, really, ridiculously stupid and you can see them coming a mile away.
• For a movie to have a sequel, it has to have a good reason to exist.  Other than a money grab, there just isn't much there.  Huge Zoolander fans will probably be disappointed by that.

Funny lines:

• “I miss not knowing things with you.” – Derek
•  “Prison changed me.  I’m bad to the core now!” - Mugatu
• “Don’t drink the water or you’ll die.” – VIP
• Farm-to-table Wi-Fi….ha ha
• “All is all just married hermself.  Mono-marriage is legal in Rome now.” – VIP
• “We were a joke out there…a total laughing stick.” – Derek
• “Please accept my apologies, Derek.” – Valentina Valencia

“None taken.” – Derek

• “You’re the most narcissistic person I’ve ever met.” – Derek Junior

“But that’s not how I see myself.” – Derek

• “I’m not fat.” – Derek Junior

“He’s Plus Size!” - Derek

Tips for parents:   

• 1 F-bomb, although you get to hear Justin Bieber say “Oh fudge!”  Penelope Cruz swears in Spanish.
• Like the orgy scene in the first Zoolander movie, there is another one with Hansel.  
• Penelope Cruz is practically falling out of her bathing suit and blouses in every scene.  Zoolander grabs her chest in one scene and has an “aroused” profile in another.
• Mugatu and Todd have another odd sexual facial exchange like in the first film.
• Most of the characters are extremely shallow.  Talk to your kids about self-esteem and the importance of not judging people by their appearance alone.

The Forest addresses suicide and paranormal activity

Movie Title:      The Forest [Blu-ray] 

Grade:   C-

Rating:   PG-13, 1 hour 35 minutes

In a Nutshell:   This is the classic “January Junk” horror movie.  This will be a movie your teens will have playing in the background while they do something else.

I’m a twin.  So, there’s that…

Uplifting theme: 

•  Do not leave the path.
• If you’re sad, you’re more vulnerable.
• Don't go to Japan to kill yourself.  Try the sushi instead.

Things I liked:

• You get to see a little bit of Japan.
• The Aokigahara forest is a real place in Japan.  People really do go there to commit suicide, so much so that there is a sign at the entrance that encourages people to think of their families and call the suicide prevention hotline.  It’s the third most popular place in the world to commit suicide.   How sad.
• Fans of Game of Thrones and The Tutors will enjoy seeing Natalie Dormer play twins.
• Some creepy moments.
• Sara says her twin sister’s favorite poem by Sara Teasdale was “There will come Soft Rain”: “Not one would mind, not bird nor tree, if mankind perished utterly.  And Spring herself , when she woke at dawn, would scarcely know that we were gone.”  It’s an especially sad poem when you learn that Teasdale committed suicide.

Things I didn’t like:

• You’ll be watching a scary scene and then it turns into a dream.  Lazy writing.
• Cliched jumps and scares.
• A LOT of dumb “what’s behind that door?” moments
• It could have gone somewhere interesting, but didn’t.
• Super lame ending.

Interesting lines:

• “I kept my eyes closed, but she saw it all.” – Sara (Natalie Dormer)
• “If you see anything bad, anything strange, it’s not real.  OK. It’s not there; it’s here.” (pointing to his head)  - Michi (Yukiyoshi Ozawa
• “How’s it feel to be in the forest where she disappeared?” – Aiden (Taylor Kinney)

      “It feels… necessary.”  - Sara

Tips for parents:   

• Some profanity.
• Blood, maggots, stabbing
• Lots of talk about suicide.

Norm of the North is a snore fest

Movie Title:      Norm of the North

Grade:           D

Rating:   PG, 1 hour 26 minutes

In a Nutshell:    This animation from Lionsgate is another tired environmental lecture about how animals are superior and humans are evil.

This is NOT one of those family-friendly films when the parents enjoy it as much as the kids. 

Uplifting theme: 

•  Everyone is given talents.  Talents should be used to make a positive difference.
• “You can make a change.  You can find a new way.” –  Elizabeth (Kate Higgins)
• Just because a product says it’s “green”, doesn’t mean it is environmentally-friendly.
• “A king always fights for his home.” 

Things I liked:

• Voice talents of the characters include Rob Schneider, Heather Graham, Bill Nighy, Gabriel Iglesias, Loretta Devin, and Colm Meaney.  They’re mostly unmemorable, but Ken Jeong’s voice work steals the show.
• The little furry animals are supposed to be lemmings.  They’re almost cute.  Did you know that they really do live in the Arctic?
• Pop music.

Things I didn’t like:

• The animation itself is pretty average, certainly not as good as we're used to seeing from Disney or Pixar.
• We’re told “When confronted by a polar bear, assert your dominance and stand your ground.”  That’s terrible advice.  Polar bears are actually very dangerous and vicious.
• “There are never problems, only messages from the universe.” – Mr. Green  (Ken Jeong)
• Polar bears killing seas = good.   Tourists = bad
• There’s a negative jab at a “cola company”, which is generic enough that Lionsgate can’t get sued by Coke.
• If the target audience is young children, then there are a lot of big words and concepts that little kids won’t understand.   

Lines that are supposed to be funny:

• “I put the soul in the winter solstice.” – Norm
• “And the next thing I know I’m twerking in front of a boat of tourists.” – Norm

“Twerking?! Have some self-respect, Norm!” – Socrates

• “Why don’t you take a picture?  It’ll last longer.” – Norm   
• “Well, it’s not Macbeth, but it’s a job.” – costumed bear (Nick Shakoour)
• “Vera, get my lawyer.  We’re going to copyright that roar and make it a ring tone.” – Mr. Green

 Tips for parents:   

• The worse profanity you’ll hear is “crap”.
• Lemmings pee in a fish aquarium and on potted plants.
• Zzzzz….

All Roads Lead to Rome doesn't have the romantic magic Italy deserves

Movie: All Roads Lead to Rome

Grade:   C-

Rating:   PG-13, 1 hour 30 minutes

In a Nutshell:    I LOVE Italy, which is the best thing about this rom-com.  Set to release in select theaters and On Demand in February, Sarah Jessica Parker carries this cheesy love story.  The last time we saw her in Europe, she was in Paris, starring in Sex and the City: The Movie with her glamorous outfits and co-stars. 

This time, she is racing around the Italian countryside after her delinquent teenager daughter.  She tells her daughter at the beginning of the movie how laid back and peaceful Italy is, yet the film doesn’t give us either one of those things.

This is no Under the Tuscan Sun , which I loved, although Raoul Bova, who romanced Diane Lane in that movie, is the love interest of Sarah Jessica Parker in this one.  By the way, here is a picture of me with Diane Lane!

  

Uplifting theme: 

• Love:  romantic and unconditional
• Patient parenting

Things I liked:

• Maggie puts up with a lot of terrible behavior from her daughter.  I admire her patience and determination.  I also admire how she is able to walk on Italian cobblestone streets in her high heels.
• You get to see some beautiful scenery in Italy, although not nearly enough.  Here are some pictures from my trip to Rome a couple of years ago.

    

           

Things I didn’t like:

• Summer (Rosie Day), Maggie’s daughter, is extremely unpleasant.  She’s such a bratty, ungrateful teenager and her hair looks like stringy cotton candy.  Writers Cindy Myers and Josh Appignanesi should have let us see some of her redeemable qualities so that we could have cared about her. 
• There is a lot of Italian spoken without subtitles.
• There is so much racing around that you don’t really have time to enjoy the gorgeous Italian landscape and sites.  The scenes in Rome are so short that you don’t get to enjoy that beautiful city either.
• The film is filled with constant bickering.  It’s supposed to be playful, but it’s mostly annoying.
• Tons of romantic clichés, such as “Separate rooms? I’m sorry. We only have one room left in the hotel for tonight.”

Interesting lines:

• “A woman takes what she wants when she wants it.” – Maggie

Tips for parents:   

• Some profanity.
• Lesbian innuendoes.
• Drugs and other illegal behavior.

By the way, if you get to go to Rome, be sure to toss a coin in the famous Trevi Fountain.  If you do, it means you will return.  I did it when I was in college and I DID return!