Saturday, May 14, 2016

The Darkness is full of every scary cliche

Movie Title:      The Darkness

Grade:   D for doesn't bring anything new to the horror genre

Rating:   PG-13, 1 hour 32 minutes

In a Nutshell:  Nothing new here, folks, but if you’re like my son who loves to watch silly -scary movies with his friends once they hit Netflix, you’ll get a kick out of this one while you munch on popcorn.

Uplifting theme: 
  • Lesson learned: don’t steal things from national parks.
  • “The world is filled with things we simply can’t explain.” – Wendy Richards
  • “Sometimes the answer you’re looking for comes from where you’re not looking.” – Simon Richards (Paul Reiser)

Things I liked:
  • You get to see the evil creatures.  Yay.
  • Fans of Agents of Shield will enjoy seeing Min-Na Wen as Wendy Richards.
  • I live a few blocks from a street named Anasazi, as Southern Nevada was first inhabited by that tribe.  The movie uses Anasazi lore to build the story.
  • I like that they tried to make the house seem really lived in and not just a set.  For example, there are tons of boxes in the garage, like at my house!  I loved their pretty kitchen cabinets.

Things I didn’t like:
  • Who the heck is Jenny?  SPOILER ALERT:  We never get to find out.
  • Full of scary movie clichés like lights that don’t work when you need them to, thunder at night, mopey teenager, a scary scene that turns into “just a dream”, and some typical jumps and scares.
  • The ending is pretty anti-climactic.
  • Teresa Morales (Alma Martinez) uses divining rods to locate the evil spirits.  When I was in San Antonio, I saw several ghost hunter tour groups wandering around town with those. The tourists loved every minute.
  • Sometimes there are Spanish subtitles, but not always.  You’ll hear Teresa and Gloria yell “No pertenecen a esta casa!” a lot at the evil ones.   It means “You don’t belong to this house!”  “Salgan de aqui!” means “Leave here!”
  • I’ve always loved Kevin Bacon, but he kind of looks a little creepy himself in this movie and he's not supposed to be the scary guy!  I'm surprised he agreed to be in this cheesy movie. Then again, did you ever see Tremors ?
  • Peter Taylor and his wife Bronny (what kind of a name is that?!) discuss a previous affair he had.  He lamely defends himself by saying “The affair didn’t mean anything.”   Why do men think their wives will accept that as a valid excuse as if that makes everything fine?   Infidelity means everything in a marriage.  I was impressed with his wife when, later, she said “We deserve a happy ending, Peter.  I forgive you.”   
  • Peter makes fun of his wife for wanting a Bible to look for answers or comfort.  He explains to her that you can’t find them in hotels anymore because people might be offended if there is only one religion represented by the hotel.  She says “Jesus!” and he replies, “Not any more.”
  • This movie reminded me a lot of the last Poltergeist movie.
  • Autism plays a big role in the plot.  Parents of autistic children might not like what is said about autism.
  • The way you learn about the Anasazi mythology is when the characters watch YouTube videos....over and over again.

Funny lines:
  •  “You’ve got stellar capacity!” – Simon Richards (Paul Reiser)

Interesting lines:
  • “Dark forces exist everywhere.” -  (Ilza Rosario)
  • “Demons bring out the darkness in people.” – Teresa Morales  (Alma Martinez)

Tips for parents:   

  • There is discussion of an affair and infidelity.
  • Bronny Taylor (Radha Mitchell) drinks a lot of Vodka to drown her sorrows.
  • 1 F-bomb, some other profanity.
  • Young children will be scared of the evil ones.  There is a scene with blood dripping down walls that will scare them, as well as creepy hand prints that appear.
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