Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters gets a big waterlogged

Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters movie review

One of the best words to describe this sequel to PercyJackson and the Olympians: The Lightening Thief is “demi-good.”  If you enjoyed the first movie, you’ll get a kick out of seeing the characters move on to another adventure.  If you felt the first movie was mediocre, I’ll warn you that this sequel is more cheesy than ever.

If you’re completely unfamiliar with the Percy Jackson books by Rick Riordan or the first movie, it helps to know that they’re based on Greek myths, bringing classical characters to life with a modern twist.  Unfortunately, the characters in the movie are a bit one-dimensional and the acting certainly won’t win anyone any Oscar nominations.

Kids between 6 and 15 will probably enjoy it, but most adults will experience a mixture of mild humor and rolling of the eyes. The dialogue is pretty lame, such as when the Greek god Hermes says “Rome wasn’t built in a day….trust me, I was there.”  On the other hand, he later tosses a golden nugget when talking about the “Hercules Show” and says “It was the best TV show ever.  So, of course it was canceled.”    Who hasn’t experienced that?  I laughed out loud during one of his sycophant moments when he said “I am killing these shorts.”

The entire movie felt like I was on a Disneyland ride.  Now, I enjoy the “Pirates of a Caribbean” ride at Disneyland, but you have to admit it’s pretty cheesy and tired.  There is some mention of “half-bloods” and this movie franchise seems to try a little too hard to replace our beloved “Harry Potter” flicks.

Die-hard Percy Jackson fans say the movies aren't completely true to the books, yet satisfying enough to make for a fun ride.

Grade: B-

Parental guidance:  The language is clean, and appropriate for family viewing, but small children may be frightened by some of the scary scenes.

Percy Jackson and the Olympians creates a teen following

 
The newest teen movie Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters is in theaters nationwide and before I review it, I felt like I had to at least watch the first one.  Better late than never, right?


Directed by Chris Columbus, who loves to make movies where teens are the heroes who save the day, The Lightning Thief (Percy Jackson and the Olympians, Book 1) is the popular book series' first venture onto the big screen.  Like Percy says: "It's like high school without the musical."

 In a nutshell, a teenage boy suddenly discovers that he's the son of the mighty Poseidon and he sets off on a journey to save his mother (a mere mortal) and prevent a terrible battle between the other Greek gods on Mount Olympus. Percy is taken to Camp Half-Blood (sounds like Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince , right?) where he learns fighting skills and shows that he has what it takes.

It's a fun mixture of mythical characters and modern exploration into various dimensions.  It doesn't quite capture the Harry Potter magic that Chris Columbus is now famous for, but your pre-teens will enjoy it, especially if they've read any of the fantasy books by Rick Riordan.  Fans will tell you that the movie franchise is loosely based on the books, but it's close enough to leave them satisfied with the effort.

Logan Lerman plays the gutsy Percy who can stay under water for over 7 minutes in a swimming pool at the beginning of the movie because that's the place where he "can think."   Brandon Jackson (Grover) stars as Percy's best friend/comic-relief/secret guardian/half goat/junior protector who tries to earn his horns for watching over Poseidon's son.  The lovely Alexandra Daddario plays the aloof love interest (Annabeth) and Jake Abel provides the twist in the plot.  (Spoiler alert)

I loved seeing the beautiful Uma Thurman as the snake-covered Medusa and the gorgeous Rosario Dawson as Persephone, the bride of Hades.  Two beauties who are terrific actresses who can also sing very well.  I have a hard time with Pierce Brosnan, however.  I used to think he was so handsome, sophisticated, and charming when he played 007 in several James Bond flicks, but after his singing fiasco in Mamma Mia! The Movie , I just can't look at him the same.  He plays a wise centaur and, luckily, there is no singing.  The special effects in the film are a bit rough, but still pretty fun.

Because I currently live in Las Vegas, I got a kick out of the three teen heroes' visit to Sin City where they were sucked into the glitz and glamor of the Lotus casino.  The sign on the casino says "You Will Never Want To Leave" and the teens realize, after 5 days of partying, that their senses have indeed been dulled and that they lost track of time.  So true of Vegas.  By the way, there really was a Lotus Casino in Las Vegas, but it closed in 1978.  Casinos in Vegas don't have windows, so you really do lose track of time.   The Unofficial Guide to Las Vegas 2013 (Unofficial Guides)

On a spiritual note, it's the father's voice that finally reminds them to get back to their mission.  Can you recognize your Heavenly Father's voice?  Do you know what your mission is?
 
As the teen trio enters the Underworld, they are told it is a pace where "wishes never come true, a scrapheap of human misery, and a place of lost hopes and dreams."  While the Percy Jackson films may not be as complex and artistic as those deserving Oscar wins, they keep the young-at-heart dreaming of adventurous fantasies and noble accomplishments.  Dreaming is good.


Grade = B

Parental warning: No bad language.  Scenes entering Hades are a bit scary for young children, including bodies grabbing at the teen heroes. Hades appears as a frightening and fiery monster twice.

Planes takes a nose dive for Disney

If Planes was about a bomber, then it would be mission accomplished. The voice talents of Dane Cook, Stacy Keach, John Cleese, Brad Garrett, and Priyanka Chopra are the best things about the movie Planes, a Disney release, but NOT a Pixar production.  It is Prana Animation Studios that put this one together.  Not exactly a household name, but they’re the ones who released Tinker Bell and Secret of the Wings (another Tinker Bell movie) straight to DVD release.   Unfortunately, the quality of this film reveals its history.

Planes was originally created to be a direct-to-DVD release, but when little ones clamor to see a summer flick with a giant tub of buttery movie-theater popcorn, why not squeeze more money out of it and slip it into the theaters first?  Ohhhhh, now this movie makes more sense.

The movie begins with the title “From above the world of Cars” hoping the Disney connection will help this movie to soar to megabucks.  It flops. Cars was somewhat unique and successful, and although Planes has a similar look, it doesn’t quite make it off the runway. Without Pixar’s humorous magic, the audience didn’t laugh for almost 15 minutes.  I don’t know if any parents ever did.  The humor is definitely geared towards younger children, almost at the parents’ expense.  The simplistic underdog story lacks the sophistication to entertain bored parents, yet provides endless stereotypes to offend them.

Dane Cook voices Dusy, a crop-duster who dreams of becoming a racing plane, has a secret fear of heights.  Kinda lame, right?

While most movie critics consider this film to be a soulless cash grab, there are some visually colorful aerial views of landscapes, although older folks may get dizzy in the 3D version.  (I’m showing my age.)  Little ones who love airplanes will be in heaven and the merchandising profits are sure to please Disney. The “believe in yourself” ending is predictable and unoriginal.  I mean, we just finished watching Turbo a couple of weeks ago.

It’s a disappointing movie theater trip, but at least you got your buttery popcorn fix.  Little ones will enjoy it.  Parents will endure it.  Are we going to see “Boats the Movie” next?

Grade = C

The depressing, yet inspiring Road

We all swooned and fell in love with Viggo Mortenson in the Lord of the Rings trilogy, but you’ve never seen him like this.   In The Road, Viggo plays a wilted father who travels to the coast in the south with his son in 2929, after some kind of end-of-the-world event happens.  We never quite know exactly what happened, but it has devastated the United States at least, and killed most humans, plants, and animals.

I was reading some emergency preparedness articles the other day about how to survive an apocalyptic event that some predict is coming to the earth soon.  There was mention of the movie The Road, and since I had never seen it when it came out in theaters, I finally watched a PG-13 version of this 2009 haunting movie on my computer.

My son had read Cormac McCarthy’s book of the same name and confirmed that the movie is very similar to what’s on the pages, and the depressing grey tones in every frame are true to the dark feeling the author tried to create. 

While the film is certainly depressing, the father and son’s journey is really one of hope.  When everything around you falls apart, the human soul’s natural desire is to hope that it will get better.  Some how.  Some day.  The story is painfully bleak, yet inspiring.

The beloved Robert Duvall makes a brief appearance, as does character actor, turned action hero, Guy Pearce, but it’s Viggo Mortenson’s powerful performance that truly carries the film.  His son is played excellently by Kodi Smit-McPhee and his wife is portrayed by the beautiful Charlize Theron. 

As a Christian, I’m confident the world isn’t going to end any time soon; however, I also believe it’s going to get a whole lot worse before it gets better.  Being prepared for any kind of emergency, whether it’s a natural disaster, terrorism, job loss, or city riots is crucial to feeling peace in a world gone crazy.

If you’re into the whole Doomsday Prepper stuff, check out my other son’s new web site where you can build your own custom-made 72 hour kit for bugging out at: www.emergencykitbuild.com

Rated R for disturbing images and horrific content.  You see the rear of Viggo a couple of times as he’s heading into a lake and the ocean, but his son remains modestly covered.  

Grade = A-

Grown Ups 2 is a waste of your money and time

Well, I hate to disappoint you, but Grown Ups 2 isn’t going to win any Oscar’s.  Big surprise, right?  While the first installment of Adam Sandler and his buddies pretending to be responsible parents was a fun, goofy flick, this return will bore and disgust you.  The script appears to have been written on a cocktail napkin while Sandler and his actor pals were all drunk out of their minds.

The all-star comedy cast shows that Saturday Night Live bonds last for many years.  I’m glad they’re all having fun and making millions together, but their humor really should be a little bit more grown up by now, don’t you think?  The film is full of crude jokes about barfs, farts, and every body part imaginable.  Fake boobs and coarse, exaggerated antics fill the screen, along with inane dialogue and gags that dwell too long.

Adam Sandler’s character, Lenny Feder, moves back to where he grew up with all of his buddies played by Chris Rock, Kevin James, and David Spade.  Other favorites in the cast include Salma Hayek Pinault, Maya Rudolph, Steve Buscemi, Colin Quinn, Jon Lovitz, Shaquille O’Neal and, of course, Rob Schneider.  Twilight lovers will cringe when they see Taylor Lautner playing a dumb, mean frat boy with lines that include such gems as “farthead.”

 

Adam Sandler attempts to recapture his youth by spewing out the most juvenile plot while insulting his audience.  It’s vulgar and definitely NOT funny.  Are all of the stars in the movie afraid to tell Sandler how bad this movie really is or do they simply not care?

PG-13 for being stupid and offensive, in addition to all of the other reasons.

Grade = F

The Wolverine shows summer movie-goers what a fun superhero movie should look like

Don’t you just love Hugh Jackman?  He’s like an action figure that can sing and dance.   The Wolverine is a journey into one of X-Men’s most conflicted and developed characters on screen.  If you love Wolverine, you’re going to love this movie.  If you’re not familiar with the famous steel-taloned superhero from the comic books, you’ll still be entertained.

Within the first ten minutes of the show, the audience is treated with some background story, amazing CGI of the blast at Nagasaki and a close-up view of how a superhero recovers from atomic burns.  Wolverine saves a young Japanese soldier from the bomb, who later wants to repay his kindness before dying as an old man…a rich old man.  Most of the film takes place in Japan, combining ancient Japanese tradition with the ageless history of Wolverine.

For the ladies, Hugh Jackman is often topless, revealing an impressively sculpted body and evidence of a hard-working actor.  Movie critic Roger Ebert calls him a “metal-clawed mountain of muscle.”  For the guys, Jackman shows off some cool action moves and quick fighting sequences, enough to match skills with the most awesome of ninjas.  And yes, there ARE ninjas in the movie.  Who doesn’t like a good ninja?  Well, unfortunately, the ones in this movie are all bad.

The Wolverine battles with lots of bad guys in this movie, as well as himself, as he decides what is worth living for in his immortal life or what is worth dying for.  Logan must decide whether or not to accept the gift of mortality from his old friend, Kenuichio Harada who is now a billionaire and head of a technology company that can help the Wolverine get the thing he wants most: death. 

Hugh Jackman and director James Mangold worked together before in Kate & Leopold.  The writers provide Logan with lots of flashbacks and moments to reflect, sometimes making you want to yell at the screen “Just snap out of it already and be awesome!”

Rila Fukushima plays Yukio, a young Manga-inspired body-guard, complete with red hair, rockin black boots, and admirable loyalty.  Tao Okamoto plays Mariko, the grand-daughter of Harada and heir to his fortune. While Wolverine struggles with guilt from his lost love, Jean, he carefully falls for Mariko and is sworn to protect her.

Russian actress Svetlana Khodchenkova plays Viper, a mutant doctor who wears ridiculously sexy outfits to hold the audience’s attention, yet doesn’t have much depth to her character.  Maybe in a sequel we’ll learn more about her?  While she gets lots of cute fashion ensembles, Wolverine is either topless or sports a wife-beater t-shirt a la Bruce Willis in the Die Hard movies.  I like the way his hair tweaks out on the sides to make him look like the comic book figure.

The bath tub scene is pretty cute where some female Japanese servants help transform the scruffy Logan from a cave man who hangs out in the wilderness into a clean superhero.     Another funny scene is when the Minister of Justice gets thrown out of a window wearing red underwear.

The impressive fight scene atop a bullet train in Japan makes the recent Lone Ranger train scenes pale in comparison.  Unfortunately, the ending was a bit cheesy, as well as a few lame lines like when Wolverine says “Don’t hit my friends” or when he answers the question “What kind of monster are you?” with “The Wolverine.”  Since I’m a mom of 4 boys, I hate it when the hero has to drop F-bombs to make an impact, like when he says “Go F___ yourself, Pretty Boy.”  Yeah, the audience laughed, but surely the writers could have come up with something more witty and appropriate for young boys everywhere to mimic for weeks after watching the film.

The end of the movie presents a Pacific Rim Samurai version of a robot that is kind of cool.   A line often repeated by Rila Fukushima in the movie describes it well….”interesting.”  Hamada calls Logan a “ronin”, a Samurai without a master.  Interestingly, before the movie began a trailer played for an upcoming movie entitled “47 Ronin” which should offer some impressive fight scenes that even the Wolverine would want to join in on.

PG-13, 120 minutes.

Grade = B+

Little Tykes will love Turbo

Turbo is an example of a trailer that didn’t make the movie look as good as it is.  I mean, a movie about a fast garden snail?  Unlike Ryan Reynold’s other movie released this weekend, R.I.P.D., this fun flick is sure to please the whole family.  It has heart and illustrates the feel-good message that all you need is one good friend to believe in you in order to succeed.  No dream is too big and no dreamer is too small.  Sweet.

Voice and acting talent Paul Giamatti plays Chet, Turbo the snail’s best friend and brother, but it’s Tito (Michael Pena) who first believes in Turbo’s dream to race in the Indianapolis 500.  Tito and his brother own a taco shop called “Dos Bros Tacos” when Tito discovers the quick escargot and hopes to create a “tacovolution” that will draw more hungry customers to their little restaurant.

The unmistakable voice of Samuel L. Jackson brings “Whiplash” to life, another fast snail who befriends Turbo and helps him reach his goal.  “Smoove Move” embodies Snoop Dogg’s snail persona, complete with a pair of dice swinging from his slender, snaily neck.

You’ll also hear the voices of other fan favorites such as Michelle Rodriguez (Paz) and Ken Jeong (Kim Ly), who both own shops in the same small strip mall as Dos Bros Tacos.

This is the first project of director and co-writer David Soren, who pleases young audiences with colorful characters, an underdog story, and lots of silliness.  Kids aren’t too hard to please, after all.  Adults will be amused, however, by a few clever lines and gags.  Watch for the funny mean kid on the Big Wheel, the mustache made out of grass, Taco Man and his sidekick “Churro”, “Snail up!”, “Snailed it”, and the label on a hot sauce bottle that says “Product causes death.”

It’s amazing how a good animation team can create such detailed facial expressions on slimy insects, but they succeed.   It’s not worth the extra money to pay to see it in 3D.   The language is clean, although there are a few risqué jokes that should fly over most little one’s head.  “Your trash talk is needlessly complicated” is a funny line geared towards adults, but still evokes a laugh out of kids for reasons they don’t even understand.

Suspend your disbelief and enjoy the fast ride with your kids and a bucket of popcorn.  Not in to insects?  Go see Monsters University instead.

Grade = B